The four sides of Ryuzaki
by serenity's hope
Summary: Ryuzaki has began to drink at night. But has no clue of what he does while he is drunk and Light is rather good at hiding it. Rated M because I am paranoid.
1. The one that hurts

**Hi, well you've come to read my story which is really nice of you so I guess I should start huh? **

**But note this story isn't very good and my friends that do look it over have less grammatical skills then I do, so please ignore the horrible sentence structure. **

**And note I wrote this at like two in the morning so please don't kill me over it being horrible  
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**disclaimer: T.T I own nothing of 'death note'  
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Dull, every thing seems to be dull to me. But my computer screen, it shines like a beckon in this dull world. The brightness makes my head hurt. I want to move my hand, so he might be able to take some of the pain away,but my arms feel heavy. I looks down, 'how long had that been there?' I looked at the chain for a few seconds, then looked up at the clock.

It was 1 a.m, it's the start of another night. I barely remember the times going by, the clock between 1 a.m and 4 a.m I never seem to notice. Some times I wonder if I fall asleep but I know its not true. Sleep is something I truly do miss through.

After the team leaves and Watari goes to bed, Ryuzaki has taken up a habit of drinking. It wasn't so bad at first he seemed less annoying when he was drunk, but sometimes he changes. At first he would just play the piano on his key board, some kind of program he had. It really was quite lovely and the music would sometime lull me to sleep. But when he gets too drunk he has four different moods. The kind L always asking me if I need anything, telling me to go to bed and playing beautiful songs. The workaholic L which seems normal beside the fact that the theories seem horrible and make no sense what so ever.

Then there's the other two. The mean L he is more strong then most would believe with that figure of his. And his punches are quite hard I believe that my ribs are a show to this. And the last the L i fear most, is someone else. Holding no justice that he wholeheartedly clams to, holding no mind that it is truly a crime, what he does is not the Ryuzaki I know, he is not my friend.

"Light-kun is something wrong?" Ryuzaki asked standing not a foot away. I groaned inwardly, turning towards the computer so I at least wouldn't have to look at L.

"No everything is fine Ryuzaki, I guess I'm just tired." he nodded and went back to his work. The team was gone and he had picked up his first bottle of whatever sorta sweet drink it is. He drinks it with strawberries. I don't know why but he seems to enjoy it. He looks at me and after a while his beautiful kind eyes turn angry.

"Just admit you're Kira." It's the side of hate, the side of L that shows what he really wants, in the terms of justice. I block my face and just say as I always do "I am not Kira"

My chair is kicked from under me and his eyes are filled with hate. There is a kick to my abdominal and he looks down at me he kicks me again. Then as if he has done nothing he sets back down in his chair. The fights never last long but they always hurt.

I wonder sometimes why not just tell my father or L him self. But the reason is always the same, I would be kicked off the Kira case and L, my only true friend would hate me. I don't know why I think he is my true friend but he has never really let me down and is never dishonest. He is the only one that I truly trust.

I get up as quietly as possible most nights it will be more then one fight but hopefully he won't notice me and I can just work.

After a few more kicks me yelling that I am not Kira, he falls asleep. I look at him and sigh wishing that L would just go back to being normal. I know its strange but I walk up to him brushing his hair out of his eyes. He seems so kind when he is asleep. I walk back to my chair and fall asleep letting my computer be my night light. In hopes that it might keep away the evil that is drunk Ryuzaki, and bring the brilliant detective Ryuzaki back.

The next morning around 6 a.m

L shakes me and I jolt awake afraid that he is still drunk and I wasn't awake to defend myself "Light-kun go take a shower." I nod and he looks at me strangely as if wondering why I agree so easily. Wondering why I jolt awake. But he doesn't wonder for long, and he shakes me ones more and says to go. I walk in to the bath room he unlocks the cuffs and turns around. I quickly undress and get in to the shower he sets in a chair working on his laptop. He remembers nothing of last night. That is something that is lucky I just hope that he never looks at the cameras.

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I wonder if I should re edit this one and turn it in to 3nd person so you will know what Ryuzaki thinks . . . should I? Please review and tell me how much you hate it and what I did wrong. Next chappy up soon


	2. The Lustful one

**Thanks for reading so far XD . . . I already said I own nothing but I need to put in a few things before we began. **

**Thanks to the person that reviewed and I really needed you to point that out it was a big mistake. **

**I decided that I would keep it first person but later on I'll add a side chapter of what Ryuzaki's thoughts are through the day **

**This chappy has a part in it which is for M but really I didn't put much detail in it, it kinda just applies that L did something not really showing it  
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**umm thats all i suppose. . . oh yeah please know that I am horrible at grammar and my sentence tend to run together so if you wana point anything out that you can't understand i'll try my best to fix it thank you.  
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I look at the computer screen. 8 a.m the team should be here any moment. My screen flashes black and I see my reflection. My eyes, my once beautiful eyes have turn to look like Ryuzaki's. The circles are apparent, and I know more people will notice them if I don't get some sleep soon. I pray to all that is just and kind let Ryuzaki be the kind one tonight I don't think I would be able to stand his violent side. My face looks pale and my hair is a mess I try to smooth it out but it doesn't work so well. I sigh knowing that sometime or another they will find out but for now I should just try to solve this case while I can.

"Light-kun is something wrong?" I look up at him, I know I widened my eyes it was a flash of fear, and Ryuzaki noticed. I gave him my best 'I'm fine smile'

"No nothing is wrong." I said for the 5th time that week, he looks at me with those dark eyes as if trying to figure something out. He can always could see past my fake smiles. I know he can't figure out what's wrong and it drives him insane. For the worlds greatest detective sometimes he can be an idiot, not even aware of his own actions.

"Light-kun perhaps you are working to hard there is an 32% chance that you will get sick if you do not take a brake" Him and his damn percentages. I look at him stunned for a moment 'did he just say I needed a brake?' Ryuzaki tilts his head to the side for a second as if trying to figure me out, my strange behavior. I would never tell him, I know it would brake him.

As we stared at each other like we both had something we were hiding, the door opened and the task force walked in. My father among them. I straiten up and push my hair out of my eyes, giving them a bit of a smile. Ryuzaki walked back to his chair and started to type. With out stopping he said "hello everyone, we've been working rather hard as of late so you all will be leaving early today around four I would say." His voice was calm and collected as usual. He looked back down at his computer and his typing speed picked up.

We all stare at him for a moment and silence fills the room. Matsuda finally brakes the silents with his high pitch happy go lucky voice "Wahh!!! Really Ryuzaki!"

He just nods as if still thinking about something very important. I smile inwardly, at least I know he cares, or its just that he's trying to figure me out. I sigh and look at my computer this is going to be a long day.

I fell asleep it was only for thirty minuets and I know Ryuzaki noticed. I didn't mean to but my eyes started to get to heavy for me to hold open. I really don't know if I stopped typing or not. But the words I wrote on the page made little to no sense. Sleep typing I would laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. My father didn't notice but Matsuda is looking at me strangely with the same look L gives me when he can't figure me out. I flash a smile at him, he smiles back then goes back to working. Well at least it still works on someone.

The day passes slowly with few fights. I mainly just agree with Ryuzaki rather i believe it's right or not. I know I shouldn't and I know it just makes him more suspicious but it just is easier and I really don't think I can handle a kick from him at the moment.

It is now ten, Watari has gone to bed and the task force has left me. I know i must face one of the many sides of him. The side that I love and the sides that I hate. I look at him for a moment and lose a bit of control over my mask. There is a twinge of fear in my eyes and I know he sees it. He puts down his drink and looks at me. He is not drunk yet. "Light-kun what is wrong" his voice is full of worry.

"Nothing Ryuzaki" I say looking at my computer. I can not lie well if he's looking at me with concern in his eyes. I feel like a child who stole candy before dinner like I am doing something wrong, but all I want to do is protect my only true friend. He looks at me for a moment longer I know that he doesn't believe me but there is nothing he can do. He takes another drink and looks at me again.

"Perhaps you should go to sleep in bed tonight."His voice is filled with worry something that is not Ryuzaki at all but maybe it is the kind Ryuzaki and he is already drunk.

"No I would like to sleep here if you don't mind" I know that the chances of him turning in to the forth Ryuzaki are higher if we go to bed in there.

"I do mind Light-kun your tiredness is effecting your work and you need to get a better night sleep." "but I-" i stopped there was no point in arguing he would just end up hitting me or carrying me to the bed room. I nodded and got up.

Normally when he won a fight he would flash a smile at me but he seemed more sad that I had given up so easily.

When we got in to the room he took off the hand cuff off me and locked the door. I looked at him for a moment to try to understand why he took it off. He seemed to read my mind. "Right now you seem to be to tired to kill anyone." he smiled as if he thought I would yell at him but I just nodded.

He looked shocked for a moment "So Light-kun is going to kill someone? I hope it is not me"

"I am not Kira" I said then fell on to the bed. I did not go to sleep but acted as I did and he began to drink. More and more, I felt him come up close to me and push some of my hair out of my face. I knew that it could be two of the four.

He kissed me deeply. I opened my eyes. my mask gone there was fear. It was him the one that I hated the most. He smiled when he saw it. "Did Light-kun like it?" His eyes were full of lust as he pulled off my shirt.

I fought at first but even so I knew he was stronger and I was tired. It didn't hurt as much as it normally did I suppose I'm just getting use to it maybe some day it won't hurt at all.

He fell asleep afterward and I put his clothes back on him, I did the same for myself then I feel asleep.


	3. The Workaholic

**Okay sorry I haven't updated since earlier today I fell asleep and had a bit of writers block tying to think if I should make L more curious about Light, and what i should do next.**

**Thank you my three reviewers. XD you make me very happy. And I'll try to work on my spelling . . . I do have spell check but I guess it doesn't work for me all the time. I'll try to do better on that. If I mess up horribly please tell me I really do care and I would like to fix it. (( the people who proof read it for me just say it's fine . . I think they're lying and they just skim it but I can't complain)) Oh yeah and sorry that sometimes I forget to capitalize I'm really bad at that.**

**Oh yeah and before I forget, I might slip up and make it to past tense but I'll try to keep it in present. Oh and sorry if I don't get the charters right I try, sorry.**

**umm . . . I guess thats all I have to say besides that I own nothing of death note . . . right, I should get on with it huh? well anyways thanks for reading up to this part. I'm glad that so many people have visited this story so thanks.**

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The noise from the storm outside seemed to wake me up. The air around me seemed cold from the chilled winter outside. IT is still dark and the lights are still on. The computer was beeping from the owners neglect as if mad at Ryuzaki for falling asleep. The room itself was clean, besides the objects that I had knocked over trying to stop Ryuzaki. It really didn't matter anymore, sometimes I wonder why I still even fight. I sigh and start to clean up the room.

It's raining out side so I open the window, I wanted to feel the cold air, maybe it would make me feel alive again. The city seems dead which is strange I vaguely wonder what time it is. I looked at the window's refection of myself. I know I should eat more and my eyes have those dark circles under them still, as if the few hours of sleep I have mean nothing.

The rain is starting to hit me. It feels nice but I know I'll get sick if I set here with the rain hitting me, but it seem to keep me awake and sane.

Ryuzaki moves a bit and my mask slips a little, I don't know why I fear him, I know he would never hurt me in the morning. But my mask still slips and I can't hide the fear. He sets up and rubs his head then he looks at me with those darn black eyes of his. My eyes widen when I look back at him and I try to look away to regain some composure.

"Light-kun what's the matter?" He asked seeing my mask slip.

I try to act as if nothing was wrong and flash him a fake smile. "Nothing Ryuzaki I just wanted some fresh air"

"Light-kun you're getting wet." He pointed at the open window. I look at him confused, _'what does he mean?'_ I stare at him until he gets up. My eyes widen again _'why is he getting so close is he still drunk?'_ he walks past me and closes the window. _'Oh right the rain.'_

"Light-kun you've been acting strangely for the past few weeks and I think you need time to relax. I am not going to stop the Kira investigation, but you do need some rest, with the way you have been acting lately your not that much help anyways." I just nod my mind doesn't seem to work at the moment. He looks at me, and his eyes for once widen with fear, or is it concern both maybe. I'm not sure which but he looks scared.

"Light-kun I just said you are no help to the Kira case. Are you not angry?" I blink a few times as if trying to register what he's saying._ 'Why can't I think today?' 'Am I angry?' 'Why would I be angry' _I'm confused and I can't seem to get things sorted out. This is frustrating.

"Is this a trick Light-kun? Are you trying to fool me. Make me think that you are getting sick so the Kira investigation will be halted. That would raise Light's chances of being Kira by 12%" _'Did he just call me Kira?'_ I stood there for a moment trying to understand what he was talking about.

"Ryuzaki, I am not Kira" I think that is what he was hinting at but I'm not entirely sure. He sighs in relief. At least I got something right. "Come Light-kun lets get cleaned up and go get some breakfast." I blink a few more times and nod. He looks at me again and his eyes hold that worried look in them. I hate to make him worry, but for some reason I can't think straight.

After I finish taking a shower we go down to eat. We sat down at a table and Watari comes in with a strawberry cake for Ryuzaki and a full breakfast for me. We thank Watari and he walks away with a nod. I look at the food for a while. I know I should eat and I am hungry. But looking at food is making me a bit sick. It's eggs with side dishes. I stir around the egg, I really rather not eat.

When I look up I notice Ryuzaki is staring at me. I wonder how long he has been doing that. "Light-kun is thin." he says I'm not quite sure what he is talking about. But I look down at myself he's right and I have noticed that my clothes are starting to hang loosely on me. I noticed it this morning.

"You're point Ryuzaki?" I tried to sound like my normal self and he smiled. He hasn't done that in a while. "Well Light-kun I just think you should eat more" I keep telling myself to sound normal, and I fight with him a lot normally, so a fight might be good for us. After all I don't hurt that much at the moment.

I put down my eating utensil and smile at him "I can eat how ever much I please Ryuzaki" My voice is starting to crack damn it. He started to smile but the crack bothered him. I sigh "You're right Ryuzaki"

"So Light-kun is sick?"

"I'm not sick just tired" I hate that word 'sick' it applies to those who are weak and those who can't take care of themselves. No I am not sick just, just tired. He shakes his head and looks at me worriedly. "Light-kun there is something wrong and you have said nothing for far to long. I am the world's greatest detective do not think you can hide it from me forever."

_'L I will hide it from you until I die, I will not ruin my best friends life and you can't get me to.'_ I think that myself tempted to say it out loud. "There is nothing that I am hiding Ryuzaki" He shakes his head and continues to eat his cake.

We go down to see the task force already in their chairs. My father look at me, I flash him a smile, but it doesn't work. He gives me the same worried look as Ryuzaki, what is it with every one and that look. I mean I know my eyes have circles and I lost a little weight, but this is going to far. There is really nothing wrong with me.

"Son are you feeling alright?" He was staring at me they all were.

I start to say _'I'm fi-'_ but Ryuzaki cuts me off, some times I hate that man.

"I believe there is a 64% chance that Light-kun is sick" There is that word again.

_'Wait a 64% chance that seems a bit high doesn't it?'_ "I am fine!" I say with my voice sounding well for once, thank the gods.

"I do not believe so Light-kun but since there is a 36% chance that you are not sick I will let you work." I feel as through I should respond to that but I just give him a angry look and start to work.

Around 11 a.m, I fall asleep. I didn't mean to yet again my eyes just got too heavy. I guess 3 hours of worried sleep isn't enough. I woke up an hour later to someone shaking me, a while ago I fell asleep when Ryuzaki was drunk. He ended up kicking so hard I know it fractured my ribs. So of course I jump out of my chair and yelled "Please Ryuzaki No!"

I looked like a frightened deer and everyone just looked at me with wide eyes. I looked at Ryuzaki, I had to think of a reason why I yelled, but nothing seem to made a good reason. I laughed and smiled "Sorry just a night mare I guess I just fell asleep."

Even Matsuda had the worried look. But Ryuzaki took the truth with some suspicion. He looked at me and said, "We were all going for lunch, but I think it's better if you stay here and get some rest." everyone nodded in agreement.

"Yeah I suppose that's a good ideal." I got up and Ryuzaki followed me before saying that the team should just leave for today.

I fell asleep once more and woke up when Ryuzaki was drunk, he looked at me. He was on his computer, the workaholic. "Light-kun! Matsuda is Kira!! He's secretly a super genius it makes perfect sense, you see he just acts likes complete moron. But he's not, he's been out in the open and Kira hasn't killed him yet, Kira knows who he's i mean its pretty obvious a six year old could figure it out he's a cop, you see that's why he is with Misa so much! She was the second Kira and Matsuda took advantage of her, I have solved the case, now bring me my cake."

I looked at him for a moment then sighed "We are out of cake Ryuzaki why don't you get some sleep." At least I slept. I felt a lot better my head wasn't pounding and I could think clearly. It still hurt to breath, but a least he shouldn't attack tonight.

"Light-kun now we must fine out why you are acting so strangely."

"I don't know what you're talking about Ryuzaki?" L got up, maybe I'm wrong maybe this is the lust Ryuzaki. I back up and cover my face. L grabs my wrist I do not cry out, nor do i really ever, but I close my eyes tightly. I hated the lust Ryuzaki.

"You see what I mean if I did that a few months ago you would have punched me but now you just look like a wounded deer, and your breathing is not normal it is shallow and you have an elevated respiratory rate. I think there maybe something wrong with your ribs."

He grabbed me and lifted up my shirt I stood there frozen.

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**Thanks I'm sorry that I left you at a cliff hanger but I'll update tomorrow. . . well later today . . . umm lets see if it's 12:09 here so I mean later today but not tonight . . . well maybe tonight if I can't sleep anyways I'm sorry that i messed up somewhere in the story no one caught it ((I know I messed up I just don't know where anyways sorry and thanks for reading.))**


	4. The day before the night

**Okay I am back . . . I'm really sorry that it has taken me a while to up date I was going to update last night but I fell asleep and forgot to post sorry. I'm really trying to keep the charters in charter, but I feel like I'm making light to wimpy, Sorry bout that I try to make him sound better but I feel like if I make him to tough it would just mess with the story. So sorry if you like light and I'm making you hate this story because of it I'll try better.**

**Lets see okay apparently I had more reviews then I thought, and I really like you guys so much for reviewing, you're really kind and not mean so that's really great...Oh and sorry if you don't like Ryuzaki being drunk I know he would never do it and I'm sorry. Oh and L was drunk in the last chappy, just in case i messed up I thought I might set that clear.**

**Okay umm ,i really need to get a check list of things for the authors note. Oh and dang you people and you're good ideals. -shake my fist at you- I might have to take some of them. ha shakes fist . . . I'm really starting to sound like a phyco aren't I?**

**disclaimer: I don't own 'death note' . . . I know a lot of people don't put that in every chapter but I'd rather be paranoid then sorry.**

**Oh and sorry for the grammar mess ups in this one ((I think my proof reader just skims))  
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I watched In horror as he picked up my shirt. My eyes are wide with fear, the mask seems to be slipping more and more easily. And he has both of my hands twisted beside me with the chain. So I can't stop him. I know he is drunk but sometimes when he's the 'workaholic' drunk then he remembers what happen the night before, so that adds to my fear what will he do if he remembers. "Light-kun what happen to you?" He asked with full view of my ribs.

I shake my head trying to get the fear to leave, I keep telling myself_ 'he isn't going to remember'_ "Nothing Ryuzaki, we always fight, just last time you kicked me harder then normal."

"The possibility of that is less then 6% Light-kun I always pull my kicks and we haven't been in a fight for 3 weeks and this is less then a week old" He seemed normal like he wasn't drunk at all but then again sometimes he can act normal. "Light-kun who did this to you. I've never left your side so it could be no one else but-." he stopped for a moment to think of the possibility "Light-kun why have you hurt your self?"

I stared at him for a moment. _'Does he really think that I would hurt myself?'_ I put my hand to my head to try to think, Ryuzaki was still staring at me. I think it would be better if I went with that ideal, it was better than telling the truth, after all if he knew the the Kira case would end and he is the only one I know that can solve it.

"Fine the truth is-" I stopped for a moment I couldn't think of any thing_ 'I fell taking a shower' _no he would of heard. I shook my head and smiled "I fell off the bed a few days ago on to the chair it really hurt but I didn't want to say anything" I turned my head trying to look embarrassment . He looked at me as if he didn't buy it.

"Watari will take you to a doctor tomorrow to have that looked at then." Damn, I'm not sure but I think a doctor might know the difference between a kick and a fall, besides, a fall off the bed can't really cause this. "Light-kun, you really shouldn't hide these kinds of things if you're hurt tell me." I smile at that at least I know he does care.

"Ryuzaki, Watari doesn't need to bother him self with a little cracked rib he has things to do I'll be fine." I'm nearly begging, if the doctor says that this isn't an accident and notices that I have more then just a crack rib, then L might look at the tapes and I'll be lost and he'll know every thing. "And then you would have to leave my side after all I could be Kira." _'Did I just say I could be Kira'_ I mentally hit myself on the head for that one.

"No light-kun Matsuda is Kira remember?" He shook his head "Or maybe your father is Kira trying to frame his only son. He's tired of the justice system not working, and when I came he decided to blame you and make it look like you did it." I listened to him until he finally fell asleep. His insane theories I look at the clock 3 a.m I swear the insomniac gets more sleep then me sometimes.

I take his computer and try to see if I can get to the cameras, maybe I can erase them or better yet replace them. I know he will be suspicions but I really need to. If he's sees what he has done not only will he take me off the Kira investigation but with his ideals of justice he might place himself in jail.

I try to get on but it's password protected so I got no where, my hacking skills aren't up to par with L's computers. and I slept all day so sleeping right now isn't really the best ideal.

I went to the window and opened it again, the air feels so nice and the snow is coming in now, it chills me a little but I like it. I look over at L, and smile, he seems so nice when he sleeps I really do like him. I walk over to him and pull his hair back looking at him more closely. I know he will wake up if I stay this close any longer but I do like him. I kiss him on the cheek. I really don't know why. But I do hope someday he will go back to normal.

The computer beeps again, mad at its owner. I turn off the lights and look at the computer screen. "Someday, my night light we will have the old Ryuzaki back." I go to the window and wait for the morning.

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"Light-kun why is it so cold in here?" I open my eyes to see Ryuzaki setting up in bed. The window is still open and the room is freezing. I must have fallen asleep again. Lately that's all I've been doing.

"I opened the window last night to get some fresh air and must of forgotten to close it." He looked at me with that same look of concern that's normally in his eyes. I hate that look it makes me want to tell him the truth, but I don't think I ever could.

"Light-kun" he just shook his head and look worried, its strange to see the look of worry on Ryuzaki's face I don't know what to say to make him not worry, but anything would be better then looking at his sorrow filled eyes. I turn away and look outside. I need to know what he remembers of last night. But I can't just ask him straight out. "You need to tell me Light" He is standing not a foot away from me looking at me with those big curious eyes.

"There is nothing to tell Ryuzaki" He shakes his head sadly then sets next to me. "Light for a moment I am going to pretend you are not Kira" I look at him a bit mad, but I just nod wondering what he's getting at. "Then you are worried perhaps I underestimated you, you are rather young and possibly the case is getting to you, I suggest rest but all you do is stay up all night. Light-kun you need to stop being so worried. Most of the time when I look at you fear flashes before your eyes, worry is apparent. You need to take a brake and tell me what is truly wrong"

I open my mouth to speak but I can not think of anything to say. He thinks the Kira case is getting to me and that there is something else wrong. But I can't think of a good excuse for what is making me act the way I am beside the truth. Ryuzaki sighs "Does it have something to do with me?"

I know there is really no mask when it comes to talking with Ryuzaki but I can't let him know it's about him. "None of what you're saying is right Ryuzaki, I'm fine and nothing of the Kira case is bothering me." He sighs once more and pats me on the shoulder, it make me flinch a little and I think he noticed but he said nothing. I don't think he remembers last night but I do know that soon he will figure it out, and unless I can do something the Kira investigation will end.

He gets up and motions me to get up as well I do so and he closes the window. We head to the bathroom and he uncuffs me so I can take a shower. But this time he does not turn around to let me undress. "Ryuzaki, could you turn around?"

He looks at me curiously "Why Light-kun, I have seen you in a state of undress before why is now any different?"

I think quickly "Misa is right you are a perv." he shakes his head and turns around "Thank you" he nods.

I get in the shower and pull back the curtains then take off my clothes I really don't trust him, I put a towel near by just in case but nothing happens. He leaves me alone and does his work on his laptop.

We went down to get breakfast, he ate some kind of cake and tea, I really wasn't paying attention this time. Watari gave me some oatmeal. I thank him, I didn't really eat it, I know it would taste good but I think I would just get 'sick' because of it. Ryuzaki stared at me for a while until he finally said something. "Light-kun you look pale are you okay?"

I nodded "I'm fine Ryuzaki." about five minuets later I wasn't paying attention when I felt a hand on my forehead. I thought it was Watari but the hand was too soft and smooth. I look up to see Ryuzaki standing above me. It scared me a little I never even noticed he moved.

"Ryuzaki what are you doing?" He shook his head and removed his hand.

"you seem to be lying Light-kun you are not fine. How long have you been like this?" I knew what he was thinking, he was wondering why he had not noticed. He was worried that his skills were slipping. Well at least I can still read someone.

"I'm fine it's nothing, we should go down to the task force, unless you plan to stall the Kira investigation any longer." he shook his head "if you don't tell me Light-kun then I will just monitor the videos to when you first started acting strangely. and for some reason I think you were suppose to go the doctors."

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**Okay I should have another chappy up at later today sorry for the cliff hanger but don't worry in one of these chapters Ryuzaki will most likely find out. umm thanks again for reading.**


	5. Caught

**Okay I know this might be a really boring chapter and I'm sorry I really didn't mean to make it like this but I need the story line to go as I have it planed and this is the only way it will work out. So I'm really sorry about that **

**Well thank you for reading the story thus far, I know some of the chappys are a bore and I'm sorry about that The next one you will like I promise. . . well I hope anyways  
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**Oh and sorry I didn't update sooner, english homework, I forgot to do it and it got me behind, I'm a bit of a moron when it comes to remembering things. **

**Oh and thank you Reviewers you really are kind. So sweet XD thank you.  
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**Let's see umm I don't own "Death note" because if I did it would of ended differently. again I like to put that, paranoid... umm i need a check list, well anyways thanks for reading here we go.**

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**"If you don't tell me Light-kun, then I will just monitor the videos to when you first started acting strangely, and for some reason I think you were suppose to go the doctors." I stare at him wondering if he does remember.

"The doctor? Really Ryuzaki? You're just going to uncuff me and let me go?" I make myself sound surprised and a bit happy, maybe I can fool him yet. He looks down at the hand that has just touched my forehead. I can't tell what he's thinking, but I know it has something to do with worry. "I'm fine Ryuzaki I'll feel better by tomorrow I'm sure." I flash him my smile, I do it really well this time, I think he might of believed it.

He sets back down and chews on his thumb nail. I sigh maybe I can talk some sense in to him maybe I can- "Light-kun you will not be going to the doctor." I hold in a sigh of relief "I will have Watari check you over he can be a very good doctor when need be." Damn. The door opens and Watari walks in. I can't hold the mask on. I can't think of any way to get out of this. It's all over everyone will know what happen, damn it is there anything I can say or well that just make him worry more?

I hear Ryuzaki say something but I'm not sure what it was. "Light-kun? Light-kun!" I look at him and he turns and talks to Watari like I'm not even here. "perhaps it is worse then we thought maybe it would be best if we did it today."

Watari looked at me like a parent would a child. He put his hand on my forehead I move to take it off. He looks at Ryuzaki after removing his hand, and they continue to talk about me. I give both of them an angry look but they both ignore it. "You're right, he is sick but it's just a fever, I'm sure it's from lack of sleep and under eating, after a few days of rest he'll be fine." Ryuzaki nods

"So does he need any medicine?" he asked Watari while looking at me, with a worried expression.

"Yes, I will get him some." Ryuzaki nods and turns to me.

"Light-kun I am going to unlock the cuffs but don't think I won't be watching you." I nod my mind isn't at it's normal speed and I can't seem to speak. I feel like the world is filled with extra weight and I can't seem to get past it. My mind is fogged and I feel Ryuzaki take the hand cuffs off. I go to rub my wrist but I keep feeling more and more drained with every second. I know I only slept for an hour but I slept 5 hours yesterday.

He sighs and asks me something, I'm not sure what it was. It's starting to annoy me, I could hear him but my mind seem to not register what he was saying. So I just nod hoping that he didn't just ask me if I'm Kira.

"Are you sure Light-kun you look a little out of it." I nod once more he walks to the door. "Are you coming?" he asked I follow him. I realized that he asked me if I was up for working today, I kind of regret nodding, But then again it's better then letting my father know I'm sick. Even if I don't believe I am.

We walk in and the task force is already seated and working. "Hello everyone," Ryuzaki says happily. "we are getting rather close to finding Kira, so today I suggest that we work as hard as possible to find out which of these men Kira is.'' They all nod in agreement. I walk over to my chair and start working on my computer.

Watari walks in a bit later with cake and some medicine. I grown inwardly, I really don't like medicine. I get up to talk to them. Ryuzaki smiles cheerful as he hands me the dreaded pills. I take them quickly hopeful that no one sees me.

My father walks over, damn. "Ryuzaki we are going for lunch do you want anything or would you like to come with?" What is it with everyone talking like I'm not here? I sigh loudly and he just smiles at me.

"I think it would be better if I stayed here with Light-kun" he nods and the team and him leave.

"What was that about Ryuzaki?" I asked not even wanting to hide the anger in my voice, I hate to be ignored like that.

"What was what about Light-kun" he smiles, it makes me want to punch him, and my headache is still acting up causing me to be a little easy to annoy.

"Why am I being ignored?" He looks at me with his big eyes and tilts his head like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I think about punching him, if I did then it would not only make him a little less worried about me, but I would also feel a bit better. and if I got in a fight then if someone discovered my bruises then I could easily explain them.

I throw a punch at him but he grabs my hand just as its coming towards him. He jumps up and is about to kick me, I cover my ribs but the kick never comes instead he just sets back down. I stand there confused for a moment then look at him. "Why didn't you kick me?"

"I do not want to hurt you Light-kun, your headache is already making you irritable causing you to be irrational. I think it's best that we do not fight until you feel better." damn

I set back down and work on the computer the team comes back an hour later. I look at the computer my head is starting to hurt more but I don't want anyone to know about the ailment. But then I hear my father move from his chair. He walks over to talk to Ryuzaki again. They are talking about me I know it I can see my father looking at me from the corner of his eyes. I hear Ryuzaki promise that he will keep an eye on me.

That annoys me I hate this I don't need anyone to keep an eye on me. But there is nothing I can do about it. I work on my computer until the day ends and everyone is ready to leave.

As they are walking out I hear Matsuda talking to my father. "Hey chief Me and Mogi were planning to go out drinking tonight do you want to come"

"No that is quite all right, I need to get home you have fun through." he smiles at them. 'Great more people who are drunk that's what we need.'

They leave and Ryuzaki and I continue to work. Around eight he comes up to me. "Come Light-kun you need to eat." I shake my head _'I just want to stay here until tonight comes then I will deal with you and sleep.' _He walks over and pulls me up. "Come Light you are beginning to look like me and I must say that it really doesn't suit you."

I would laugh if I knew he was telling the truth. My hair is beginning to lose it's shine and my clothes are getting rather baggie on me. We walk in to the Cafeteria and Ryuzaki has already prepared me something to eat as well as some medicine to take with it. I take the pills only because I know Ryuzaki would catch me if I tried to spit them out or throw them away. We eat and go back in to work.

Watari goes to bed and Ryuzaki starts to drink. He seems a little mad at me for not being able to fight with me, even if he was the one to stop it he still seems mad, so I can only guess what tonight's Ryuzaki will be.

I look at the clock, it's 11:45 Ryuzaki is drunk it's only a matter of time before i figure out witch one it is. He stands up and walks towards me. It's either violent or lustful. he looks at me. His eyes are something I recognize, but I can't remember from when. The memory hits me, the first time Ryuzaki was fully drunk he became a mixture of the two. He grabbed My throat. You remember the little game right Kira-kun?"

I nod, he grabs my belt keeping a hand on my throat. My mask is gone there is no point of keeping it when he is like this. He kicks me, I know I won't be able to move tomorrow "What's the matter Kira-kun why don't you fight. I promise I won't kill you._ 'I won't fight you if I do then in the morning you will check the videos to see why you have bruises, no Ryuzaki I would never hurt you.'_

He grabs me and pushes me against the wall I am stripped. I look at the wall and then I notice something. Matsuda's keys. Why would he just leave them here why didn't he come back to get them earlier. Then I remember him saying _"Hey chief Me and Mogi were planning to go out drinking tonight" _That means he hasn't gotten home yet that means he might come back. I hear Ryuzaki move right behind me.

"Ryuzaki this would be much better on the bed, would it not?" he kicks me hard in the back. "Kira-kun either needs to say that he is Kira or be quiet." My vision is going fuzzy 'I can't pass out I can't pass out.' is what I keep saying to my self. My worry is causing me pain. My fever is letting my mind go numb. I can't keep my eyes open. It hurts too much. I keep yelling stop I know the rule of the game is that I can't yell but every thing hurts.

I hear something drop in the room and Ryuzaki stops. I fall to the ground when he lets me go and then look up to see why he stopped. Someone is standing there my eyes are to burred to see well. It clears up a little and I see Matsuda is standing in the door way, his suitcase is on the floor and his eyes are wide with shock.

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**If I stop right here how many of you would kill me. Sorry . . . I kinda have to but I'll be back later today or early tomorrow with the next chappy I'm sorry.  
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	6. He's my friend

**Wow you guys are nice XD thanks for your reviews and thanks for reading oh and I'll make that correction when I finish the story thanks for seeing that.**

**As I said I would update later today and I'm sorry I sorta mixed up the ends I originally planned this one to have Matsuda and the last one to end just painly but I decided to change it at the last moment, I sorta wonder if I'll ever get to the last side of Ryuzaki.**

**Sorry this came a little later then I thought. . . I feel asleep last night in stead of writing so I had to finish writing this morning, I know I'm sorry but I'm back and I'll try to update faster next time.  
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**Umm I don't own 'death note'- Disclaimer**

**Thanks again for reading I guess I should start huh? okay well I guess here we go.

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I hear something drop in the room and Ryuzaki stops. I fall to the ground when he lets me go and then look up to see why he stopped. Someone is standing there my eyes are to burred to see well. It clears up a little and I see Matsuda is standing in the door way, his suitcase is on the floor and his eyes are wide with shock.

"Matsuda?" I choke out trying to catch my breath. He runs up to me. Looking at my throat, my chest was bare and he could clearly see the bruises. "It's not what it looks like." Is all I can think of saying the words even to me are hard to understand, but I mentally kick myself. It's unlikely that even Matsuda will believe its not what it looks like. He helps me in to a chair asking if I'm okay I nod. Then he looks at Ryuzaki.

I grab my clothes while they are looking at each other. and put them on. I'm glad that these clothes are big on me now or I wouldn't be able to throw them on so easily.

"What were you doing to light!" he yells standing in front of me, acting as my protector, as if i needed one, I can defend myself. He looks back at me worriedly.

Ryuzaki just smiles happily "We were playing a little game, I hurt Kira-kun and stop when he admits to being Kira." 'Damn it Ryuzaki stop speaking your only making it worse.'

"Can you make it outside Light?" 'do I really look bad enough that he thinks I can't walk?' I try to speak but my throat is killing me and the words aren't making it through. I try to tell him that I'm fine, but he can't understand me. 'Damn it, Ryuzaki really did it this time.' how am I going to explain this?

"Is Light-kun leaving?" Ryuzaki walks over his eyes hold no hate, and the lust is gone as well. I guess Matsuda shocked it out of him. Or he is just getting tired either way I'm doomed. He will fall asleep and Matsuda will take me to the police station. Damn it some times I hate the justice system. Ryuzaki will go to jail and it will leave no one to solve the Kira investigation. My father will most likely make me go to a therapist. And everything will be destroyed I can't let him do this.

Matsuda again puts his arms up in defense once more but Ryuzaki kicks him right in the gut. He walks up to me my eyes widen with fear. There is not hate in his eyes why is he doing this. I close my eyes tightly. I feel something soft on my cheek. I open my eyes and Ryuzaki is kissing my cheek.

He looks at me and stops "We will play again soon light kun" He steps over Matsuda, and walks through the door. Matsuda gets up rubbing his head. My eyes start to burr again and I really have no plan I have no ideal how to get out of this. Matsuda looks at the door and walks over to me. He puts his arm around my waist and helps me stand.

I know he wants to say something but he doesn't know what? "I-It was voluntary" I say through my voice sounds weak, but I know he can understand me. He looks at me with these kind eyes he keeps one of his arms around my waist while he brings the other up and pulls the hair out of my eyes.

"You'll be fine Light, you'll be okay." 'I am fine you moron' we get out side there is a bench near the door and he sets me down. "I need to grab my keys okay, well you be okay on your own?" He pushes my hair back again, I nod. And he gives me a shaky smile. He ran back in.

This gives me time to think of a plan. I start to get really cold I realize that it's snowing. While I am looking up at the sky. I feel someone slip a jacket over me. "Hi Sayu may I please speak to your father." Matsuda is speaking on the phone, not to just anyone but my sister. "Yes I know its late but please get him its about Light." Damn, I ran out of time. He looks at me and says "It'll be okay Light" I think he is saying it more to himself then to me.

"May I speak to him Matsuda?" I ask my voice is tired and weak I know he can barly hear me but my ideal maybe worth a shot. He looks at me with a sad look in his eyes and shakes his head. "I'm sorry Light but I don't think you should you look to weak and I'm not sure he would be able to hear you."

Damn there goes one plan, I have to go with the other one. I hear him talking again. "I know it's late sir but it's about Light." I summon all of my strength to get up. "Light what are you doing set back down"

I run it takes all my power, but I run. "Light stop" I hear him yell and he runs after me. There has to be some ice around here somewhere and then I spot some. I know he is getting closer but i need to get to that ice. I run past it but he doesn't see it, he slips and falls forwards. Hitting his head on the ground knocking him out. I set next to him.

"I'm sorry Matsuda it was the only way, I need Ryuzaki to solve the case, I need him to be fine, I need him to keep him mind and if he knew what he did he would lose it, and that would make me lose my only friend. I can't lose my only friend Matsuda I just can't."

I need to get him up but with everything that has happen I can't even move myself. I see a man get out of a car. "Hey are you guys okay?" He bends down next to us. offering me a hand up. I take it.

Then give the man a fake smile, "Yeah but my friend here slipped on the ice he'll be fine but could you help me get him in to that hotel?" the man nods and picks Matsuda up. We walk together in silence, we get to the door and I grab Matsuda's key card out of his pocket. When we get in the man puts Matsuda in a chair I thank him and he leaves.

I go to look at my self in the mirror, I look horrible no wonder he was so worried. My hair is messy and I just look like I haven't eaten in weeks. My face is pale and I have dark cicles. Damn it, I wash my face and brush my hair my clothes are wrinkled so I change out of them.

I go back to the room just as Matsuda is waking up. "Light?" he asks looking at me "Why did you run?"

"What are talking about?" I flash him a smile. "I found you out side Matsuda you slipped on the ice. What are you doing here so late anyways?"

He grabs my arm "Light-kun did he hurt you?" I look at him with a curious look acting as through I haven't the slightest ideal what he's talking about. "Oh thank goodness I thought" he stopped for a moment and look embarrassed "Never mind light I'm sorry for bothering why don't you go to bed." He smiles and gets up then leaves.

His phone is here and I call back my house. My father answers "Matsuda what is going on with Light what is Ryuzaki doing him?" he is yelling

"Nothing dad Matsuda was drunk I'm sorry to bother you so late at night." he sighs in relief.

"Oh okay then, go to bed son you need the rest." I hang up and smile. After I clean the place up I put on my night attire then get in to bed. Ryuzaki is sleeping in the chair. I kiss him on the cheek "Jerk" is all I say then I walk to the bed I fall asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

The next morning I wake up, Ryuzaki has pulled the covers off me. I curl in to a ball. "Light-kun wake up we have-" He stops mid sentence "You look sick Light-kun"

I grown "You've been saying that for the last two days Ryuzaki." I say but my voice is so low I'm not quiet sure he could here me. My head hurt from last night and I was so hurt I couldn't even move.

"I call the team and tell them not to come in today it's a weekend so they need sometime off anyways" I go to thank him but I don't think I can talk. He walks up to me and smiles "don't talk Light-kun just go back to sleep." he tilts his head "I had the strangest dream" my heart drops 'does he remember?' "I dreamed that you kissed me on the cheek and then called me a jerk" he smiled and I sigh in relief.

"Night light-kun" he pulls the covers back over me and I fall asleep.

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**Okay I did not end it in a cliffhanger, but there is still more to come so please keep reading . . . I mean after all Matsuda did call Light's dad in the middle of the night. If someone called me that late all drunk and stuff I would talk to them . . . not that it has ever happen to me before . . . but it could . . . oh never mind I'm going to do some class work now. Thanks for reading you are really nice XD **


	7. what happen?

**Thanks for reviewing you guys are sweet, I do mean that, thank you! XD**

**Okay sorry for my grammatical mess ups I notice I always make some I'll try to do better this time.**

**I might take a day off on my next chappy to update, I might. i'm not quite sure yet sorry.**

**oh and I do not own "Death note" - sad i know**

**I don't really know what i'll do in this chappy this one is kinda just a sag-way to get me into the main part so this one might be boring but I'll try to make it better. And I'm sorry I keep updating later then planned right now i kinda have writers block and it is killing me cause I can't make this right at the moment. I think i might end it soon but I'm not really sure. sorry Okay on that note i think i should start huh?

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I woke up to a horrible feeling. A sharp pain right to my chest I scream out, and hold my chest. It felt as through someone had just hit me right where my fractured ribs are.

I look up to see what had just stabbed me and I see Ryuzaki with a shocked look on his face he was holding up his finger,he had just poked me right in the ribs. He looks at me with wide eyes "Light-kun whats the matter?" Ryuzaki asked as he poked me again I try to suppress a grown but it hurts to much.

My eyes start to burr once more and I try to say something but I can't speak. I feel Ryuzaki try to pick up my shirt. I can barley make out their emotion, I know its worry fear, one of the few times I've seen Ryuzaki's face hold fear but it also held curiosity. I grab the hand that is picking up my shirt and stop it. "What are you doing Ryuzaki and why are you doing it so early?" My voice finally made it through I look at the clock squinting my eyes to see. But it's no good the clock is to burred

"It is not early Light-kun it is 11:00 normally Light gets up at 6:00 so this is in fact very late" I stare at him for a moment, he seems very annoying today. But none the less I get up.

"I thought I had the day off?" He looked at me, sadness filled his eyes and I want to apologize and I haven't a clue of what I have done wrong.

"Sorry Light-kun you did have the day off but, I had a brake through in the case so I have called the team and asked them to come in. You may sleep on your desk if you are still tired." I nod and he sighs, I know he likes auguring so I have to make it up to him sometime today. Ryuzaki leaves the room to get me some thing to eat and so I can get dressed I notice he left his laptop in here I open it I am lucky that he had already put in his password and clearance codes, I get to the video section. I'm lucky that he marks every thing so well.

I replace the video of last night with an old video of just me sleeping I know if Ryuzaki ever looks at them closely he will find something but for now he is in the blue.

I walk out of the room he cuffs me again, I truly do hate those cuffs. Then he hands me some kind of granola bar, I stare for a moment then look to Ryuzaki.

"Come on Ryuzaki do I really need this anymore?" I ask holding up the chain he gives me an odd look Tilting his head once more.

"yes Light-kun I believe it is necessary for it is clear now that you are hiding something, it may not be over Kira but you are hiding something." I give him an angry look and he just smiles to it. I really need to fight with him more in the day time, while he is not drunk. He walks in grabbing his laptop then looks at it. "This has been moved a centimeter, Light-kun did you touch it?"

I smile and shake my head. "Why would I touch you're laptop anything that you have in there I can get with my computer as well." He accepted that answer and nods.

We walk in to the room and my father is talking to Matsuda. Panic runs through my veins I can feel my heart pumping so fast it risks giving out. 'I'm dead if my father tells him about the phone call Matsuda will know every thing is real.' I try to run up to them, but Ryuzaki is dragging behind. I hear Matsuda voice, "I came back here to get my keys and then I have this strange dream and when I wake up Light is standing over me he told me that I fell on the ice but I really can't remember a thing. When I get home I find this ugly bruise covering my stomach."

My father nods "Yes, when you-" I laugh its as joyful as I can get my laugh as I try to interrupted my father. I know I'm being rude interrupting him like that and I get worried stares from everyone. But Ryuzaki seems more curious then worried.

"Matsuda you really are a klutz when you're drunk you scared me half to death when I walked outside on you were on the ground." Matsuda smiles and gives off a fake laugh. It sounds more nervous then anything else through.

Mogi gives me a confused look but he says nothing. Ryuzaki eyes widen when he realizes I went outside but all he says is "Let's get started" everyone nods and sets down.

We work for a while. I don't fall asleep but only because of the extra sleep Ryuzaki let me have. We know of the Yotsuba group now so It is only a matter of time before we find Kira, I get my freedom, and I will no longer live in fear of Ryuzaki finding out what he has done. Around seven the team leaves talking of dinner. I smile as they say good night I'm glad that my father has not said anything else about the call hopefully he has forgotten.

Ryuzaki pulls his chair up to mine, after about five minuets of just us working. He has Ice cream in his hand and he is holding his spoon in that most unusual matter. I look at him with a small smile but he is in no matter of happiness. "Light tell me, why are you lying and what is going on?"

"Nothing is going on Ryuzaki." he drops the spoon to his ice cream and stares at me. He seems like a statue unmoving, he does not blink he just stares at me. Then he puts his ice-cream down and sets up in his chair leaning over me, an inch from my face.

"Then I will find out Light-kun" He pulls away a little then he flips open his laptop looking at something. "Light why does Matsuda have a bruise on his chest?"

"We went through this he slipped on the ice and hit his chest." I lie but I hoping it's well enough to fool him. He does not seemed to be fooled in fact he seems to know what I was going to say by nodding his head as I say it.

"The chances of that Light, are very low, you see if he had fell the only thing that would be hurt is his head and you say he was drunk when he came here correct? But that is also less then a 15% possibility, both him and Mogi say that he didn't over one drink of sake, so my question to you is why are you lying Light-kun and why are my video's incomplete? It never even shows Matsuda showing up it's just empty."

I set there frozen, I do not know how to get out of this, I didn't have enough time to delete all of the videos so if he looks at any of them I am dead. "I will find out what you are doing Light and if it has something to do with Kira you are going to jail." I nod accepting that.

He looks at me tilting his head once more. "So it has nothing to do with Kira then?" Puzzlement and confusion cross me. He seems to notice my confusion. "You accepted going to jail if it had something to do with Kira, I could tell no lie from your body language, so it has nothing to do with Kira thus it must have to do with someone on the investigation team. " I stare at him some times he can be a good detective but not when it comes to him self.

"I doubt you are going to give me an answers today so we shall finish and go to bed." I nod happily, I'm quite glad that he is not going to ask me anything more today.

We eat a small dinner and I tell him I'm tired so he lets me go bed. At around nine I notice that he is working on his computer and has not opened the bottle yet. "Go to sleep Light-kun you are sick and you need your rest."

"I'm not sick Ryuzaki I'm just tired" I really do hate that word. He smiles at me, like one would a little kid. I want to punch him for looking at me like that.

"All the more reason to sleep Light-kun," I know he wants to tell me that I am lying and to tell me I am sick but he lets it pass this time.

My mind slowly drifts in and out of thoughts, I can not hold a intelligent one, soon I start to get more and more tired, I don't mean to fall asleep but I guess my body has different plans sometimes. The slumber was blissful and Ryuzaki had started playing his keyboard piano as if trying to get me to fall asleep.

A few hours later I wake up in silence, I know it is night but what woke me up was not pain but instead it was Ryuzaki brushing my hair back. He was looking at me with worry, then I look down and realize that my shirt is unbuttoned and Ryuzaki is staring at my bruises.

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**Okay so I will most likely update tomorrow but if I don't please don't kill me, or torture me . . . I really want to stay alive so I can finish this, But after this is over you most certainly may kill me I don't approve really but if it makes you happy then go ahead. **

**Well anyways thanks for reading please review and I'll see you next time. . . oh p.s sorry for the grammar problem well anyways bye  
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	8. A lie

**Okay truth be told this isn't where I'm going to end it I wanted to write more chappys but I think I only have two left after this one, one to wrap it up and the last one which you don't have to read.**

**So this is really the beginning to the end, I am sorry this has been really fun and you guys are so nice for reading. it makes me sad to know I'm so close to the end.**

**Well anyways I love you my reviewers thanks for never killing me I appreciate that. And you are really nice thanks XD**

**umm disclaimer I own nothing of 'death note'**

**Okay and my computer broke down. So thats why I haven't updated, do you know how hard it is to write this stuff at school? Sorry, I know I'm horrible, but when lappy broke down I had no motivation to write this chappy in the few hours I had in the comp lab. I'll try to update more there and I'm going to have to get a new lappy T.T 'noooooo lappy I loverd you but you died' . . . I am really sad over the death of my computer, it was my first.**

**umm thanks again for reading. Yes, I realize my grammar is bad, I always have been bad at that and my editor is a art person she has no skill in english. Not that art people . . . oh never mind just sorry. I'll find an editor on line that will help if it will make it easier for you to read. I really am sorry about it I don't mean to make my grammar so bad, sorry.**

**Well anyways thanks and lets start.**

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A few hours later I wake up in silence, I know it is night, but what woke me up was not pain but instead it was Ryuzaki, brushing my hair back. He was looking at me with worry, then I look down and realize that my shirt is unbuttoned and Ryuzaki is staring at my bruises.

"Ryuzaki what time is it?" I know he's drunk he must be. I look over at the clock it says 12:00. Ryuzaki is not usually drunk this early but he must be or he would not be so close. "Ryuzaki just do what ever you want to me tonight and then let me sleep." I rub my eyes and realize that he is staring at the busies.

"Light-kun? what happen to you?" he asked curiosity and worry collide in his voice. I smile at that it must be the kind Ryuzaki he is my favorite. "Light what happen!" That's strange the kind one would never raise his voice. But the workaholic's is different, his voice is usually in a business matter.

"Nothing Ryuzaki it's not like you'll remember in the morning anyway." He looks at me like he questions what I mean, then I see something in the corner of my eye, the bottle hasn't been open. Ryuzaki is not drunk. I can feel my heart pounding faster and faster.

"Calm down Light it's okay!" I can't breathe he's not drunk he will know what happen. I'll be called Kira for the rest of my life, my family will hate me. I start to feel dizzy, I don't know why I can't breathe. but this is scaring me and I'm never scared. I feel like I'm choking on air. "Light breathe damn it, you're okay." I nod and try to breathe. He takes my hands and puts them on my chest letting me fell how rapid my breath is.

"Are you okay Light?" he asks after I calm down a bit. I nod feeling a bit light headed and dizzy but mostly I'm fine. "Good cause now I know what you're hiding and you are going to the emergency room" he gets off the bed "I'm going to call you're father, Watari is out right now so I am going to have him drive us there." He got up quickly I barely had time to grab his wrist. I had nothing to say but I grabbed it anyway.

He gave me a look of worry. "Light what happen to you?" he asked again this time less worried but more filled with curiosity. I shake my head I have to come up with a good lie and a reason to hide it. I can barely think of anything besides 'I tripped' and I know Ryuzaki would have to be crazy or drunk to believe that one so I look at him.

His eyes held me and nothing else, he did not look away while I looked at him. His computer beeped but he did not turn to tend it. Some times I feel as though that computer talks to me. I know it wants me to tell him the truth to get it all over with so it can have its master back, but I can not. 'I am sorry my nightlight but he can never know.' "Light what happen" he asks taking me out of my trance. I have nothing to tell him no great lie but the only thing I can think of he will soon find to be untruthful.

"Ryuzaki if I tell you promise me you will not stop the Kira investigation, if you promise that you will not be mad at me or yourself then I will tell you." He wanted to question me I could see it in his eyes but he said nothing and just nodded. I sighed not wanting to tell him a lie but I had to. "Every night you get drunk" I stop for a moment to think.

"Yes Light I know I have been drinking but I am never drunk." Light sighed

"L do you remember what you did last night between 9:00 and 3:00 a.m? do you have any recollection of what you did any at all." Ryuzaki stopped for a moment to think back his eyes flash with fear and remorse. He really could not remember what happen.

"I would assume that I've slept." I raise an eyebrow in question, "Yes that does seem a bit strange doesn't it? I don't sleep that long so something of what your saying might be true, please continue Light-kun" he sets in the chair next to the bed in his odd position biting on his thumb nail. I nod and set up so I can speak easier.

"Well you see." I stop to think this lie has to be something believable so he won't have to look at the cameras to prove it. "We go out every night, I try to stop you but most of the time you drag me along anyway." I bite my lip trying to think up the rest of the story, I wonder if this will be enough to stop him from drinking. He looks at me then moves his hand slightly telling me to continue. "Well," I stop again if I continue to do this he will know it is entirely a lie.

"We go to down town where there are many, I suppose the word is gangs, well you tend to insult them. And while you can defend your self rather well when it comes to fighting I can not." He sets there looking at me in question.

"This is plausible I suppose but, we still must take you to the hospital and you must tell me more if I am to believe you Light, this could just be a well constructed lie. The fact is that there is a 48% chance that you are telling the truth, a 37% chance that you hurt your self and a 15% chance that I hurt you." He sat there for a while and finally got up. I well have your father tail us tonight after I get drunk that way I will know you are telling the truth.

He walks out of the room for a second and comes back with my clothes. "You will get dressed now and I will call your father."

"Is that really necessary, please Ryuzaki can't I just stay here, or you could drive, or better yet I could drive." He smiled and shook his head.

"Light-kun does not know how to drive and if I drive then I am quite certain you will be worse off then you are now." He picked up the phone and called my house, I heard someone answer quickly. "Hello, yes I would like to speak to Yagami-san, yes I will wait." he held his phone at such a strange angle but he looked at me and half way smiled he looked back to the phone after a little while. "Yes, I apologize for waking you up so late at night but I need you here in 10 to 15 minutes, no it is not about the Kira investigation, just come."

He hung up then looked at me. "You fell Light, and I want you to go to the hospital to be checked out, we will not tell your father of what happen until I know for certain, tomorrow when he follows us that will be the way he finds out, do not speak of how you got hurt, it would be better if you did not talk at all, now get dressed and this time I am not going to leave nor turn around, I want to see the entirety of the injuries."

I nod, for now the lie will hold and he will not question it. I take off my shirt the rest of the way and start to put the other one on. But he grabs my wrist. I flinch, and he looks at me in wondering why I flinched, why I would be afraid of him, sometimes Ryuzaki is easy to read. He circles me, "the chances of you self inflicting these dropped by 10% the injuries to the back are very hard to inflict on ones self." I'm not quite sure if it is a good thing or not, I would prefer him to believe it was self inflicted then to believe that he did it. Either way I go in to therapy.

I finish getting dressed with out him stopping me. "You are to skinny Light I believe you have lost about 18 to 23 pounds in the past two months which is very bad, seeing as you are already quite thin."I laugh and shake my head _'has he looked in a mirror ever_?' He seemed to guess what I was thinking but said nothing.

We sat down and waited for my father, he turned to look at me. He just stared for a few moments and bit his thumb nail. He stopped and looked me in the eyes "Light-kun have I ever raped anyone while I was 'drunk?'"

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**Okay I will try to update soon I'm sorry for the long wait I really am I didn't mean to make you wait so long, sorry. Oh and thanks for reading sorry for the grammar. **


	9. a kind side

**Ok I figured that I might have more then just 2 more chappies to go, darn me! well anyways I still have a broken computer and it won't be fixed, and my brother won't get me a new one he says that it broke because I was on it 24/7 which isn't true I go to school and its not on there. . most of the time. Anyways so I won't be able to update very fast sorry. I'll try to do it at school and steal my friends comps, but I don't like other computers as much as I liked lappy. Sorry I know I complain to much. **

**Anyways so yeah umm, there is going to be more then 2 more chappies I have a bit to add sorry. so lets say about 4 to 5 counting this one. Sorry but I do like to write these and I just don't make them long enough for there just to be two more. I'm sorry  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own 'death note'**

**umm thanks for reading and thank you my reviewers!! you mean a lot. Sorry for the grammar I know I know its horrible, and I am really sorry, maybe some day I'll get the whole comma and punctuation thing . I don't think its today but maybe someday. So yeah oh and sorry for making a such a long note, You don't have to read these they are all the same. . . yeah anyways sorry. **

**Oh and sorry for always leaving with Cliff hangers they let me know what to do in the next chappy, sorry.**

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We sat down and waited for my father, he turned to look at me. He just stared for a few moments and bit his thumb nail. He stopped and looked me in the eyes "Light-kun have I ever raped anyone while I was 'drunk?'" I nearly fell out of my chair, wondering why he had said that, had he remembered something? It scared me slightly and I know my face showed the fear a little bit.

"So I have," he said looking at my face "Tell me who did I do it to was it you or some 'gang' member" I sat there staring at him with out being able to speak. "So it was you Light?" His words were filled with worry his eyes filled with sadness. I came out of my shock.

"What the hell are you talking about Ryuzaki, do you really believe that I would let you rape me, or let you rape anyone else! Really do you think that I hold no justice as truth. Ryuzaki how dare you." He smiled and bit on his thumb.

"I am sorry Light-kun I did not mean to offend you I just thought." He stopped for a moment as if he could not finish his sentence. He looked up at me once more and smiled. "Never mind Light" He took out a pocky stick and began to chew on it.

My father came about ten minuets later, he looked tired and more worried then anything else. "What happen? This is the second time someone called about you Light, whats the matter?" He sounded scared and angry I flinched a bit when he yelled out which didn't help matters at all.

He grabbed me and put his arm around my shoulders "Ryuzaki what happen to Light?" I hate it when people start to ignore me.

"I asked him to get me some cake while I was working and the elevator was messing up so he had to use the stairs, he tripped and fell down a flight." He said it with out blinking an eye. I felt myself wanting to accuse him of being Kira. It made a little sense but if I said that he would raise my chances of being Kira even higher, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Light you have to be more careful son you might of broken your neck. Come on lets get you in the car. Are we taking him to the emergency room?" Ryuzaki nodded and of course mad sure the handcuffs were on tightly "I will accompany you in to the exam room Light-kun" He said not taking his eyes off me. We got in to the car, my father was annoying me treating me like a child.

The hospital is about 30 minuets away. So of course I ended up falling asleep. I only fell asleep for about five minuets before Ryuzaki and my father talking woke me up. "He has been like this for a while Ryuzaki are you sure it was just because he fell down the stairs, I mean what caused this, is he getting sick?"

"I do not know, he has been like this for a while, but what caused this I haven't a clue." Ryuzaki sighed and I felt him turn towards me brushing my hair back. "He needs rest he needs to eat and he needs a stress free environment none of which either of us can provide. The Kira case is to important, but maybe next weekend we will go away for awhile, oh and Yagami-san tomorrow night I need you to follow us."

"Follow you and Light? But he needs rest, you can't-"

"Yes I can be serious the situation is indeed worrisome and I need someone I can trust to follow us. I don't know to where, but I need you to do it and since Watari is out you seem the only likely choice, thank you for agreeing Yagami-san. Ah I see we are almost there." He never even let my father speak, sometimes he can be such a jerk.

I sat up and pulled my shirt down acting like I never fell asleep, I know they both knew I fell asleep but I can act like I was awake. Ryuzaki smiled at me. "Have a nice rest Light-kun?" I hate him I know that I fell asleep but he doesn't need to announce it to the world, or worse yet my father. ' I know I am a little bit Ill, but that doesn't mean he has to comment on it.' I grunt in response.

He smiles once more, I am getting tired of his fake smiles. I also miss them, the true smiles the ones that only shows when he fights with me or when his true genius shines above mine. The smile that belongs to the true Ryuzaki the Ryuzaki that I alone know. He hasn't given me that smile in a while. The ones that I get now are worried smiles and nervous grins.

We pull up to the hospital and my father gets out he opens my door before I can even get to the handle. "Can you walk Light-kun or do you need help." Ryuzaki asked with a smug look on his face pointing to a wheel chair. I punch him right in the chin. '_I hate it when people patronize me_ '

"LIGHT!" my father yelled I flinched 'people yelling isn't really a favorite thing of mine either'. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the car. "Are you okay Ryuzaki?" Ryuzaki nodded and smiled it wasn't fake, but I wanted to punch it off him. "Light apologize to Ryuzaki" '_What am I five?'_ I pulled me wrist away and started to walk away but when I got to far I realized that Ryuzaki had handcuffed me earlier, so I couldn't get away from him.

"Do not worry about it Yagami-san, Light-kun is just acting out, like a child, and besides his punches never hurt." He waited for a response from me. I wanted to punch him again, I hate it when people treat me as a child, if he says anything to that effect I will punch him again. "Light-kun do you want your father to come in to the exam room after all you are like a kid." That was the last straw, I jumped on him punching him again. He kicked me off him and I went after him once more my fist hit his face just as his foot hit my ribs.

I fell away from him. But this was different everything seemed like it was moving slower and the kick only hurt for a moment. But my head it was killing me, I look around the ground has rushed to meet me but I don't really remember hitting it. My father is yelling something but I don't know what it is. He ran inside. Ryuzaki bent down over me. "You're going to be okay Light-kun I'm sorry I didn't-" the rest was a blurred. I felt my eyes start to tunnel and then every thing went black.

I woke up in the hospital bed, I could hear Ryuzaki beside me. My father was talking to the doctor, I suppose that's what woke me up. But I didn't want them to know I was awake yet. "He has two broken ribs and one fractured, many bruises are covering his back, luckily there is no spinal damage. He has a minor concussion, I'm not sure how long he has had it, you're lucky he hasn't slipped in to a coma, he has a rather high fever as soon as the test come back I would say it's the flu. What happen to the kid?"

"We are uncertain." Ryuzaki said I felt my hair brush back, he does that more and more often as of late. "I believe the broken ribs were caused by the fight we had a little while ago. the flu might be cause with him sleeping with the window open, the concussion would be from him just now hitting his head but I do not believe so, I think he has had it longer then a few hours." _'hours how long was I out?'  
_

The doctor grunted, he sounded like he was old and close to retirement. "Well he needs to be put in some kind of protection. Some one has been abusing this child and the police will take him-" _what is it with everyone calling me a child?! _

"Light-kun is eighteen he is not a child and you may only put him in protection if he asked, his father was the chief of police so he is rather safe, now please leave." The doctor sighed and left the room, the door slammed loudly and I jumped at the noise I suppose it looked like I had just woken up.

"Good morning Light-kun sleep well." Ryuzaki asked with his normal greeting. I nod, "We are going to hold off the Kira investigation for a few days, go back to sleep."

"No please we should continue I'm fine." 'The sooner we get this Kira investigation over the sooner Ryuzaki will stop drinking and I will be better we can't stop now.' Ryuzaki shook his head "Light-kun you do realize that you are in a hospital bed you just fain-"

"You knocked me out I did not faint L and if you say that again I will knock you out." I sat up "So when are we going home and what does the doctor have to say?"

"He said that you need to sleep, eat, and not work. So Light-kun you are my new cat, so curl up in to a ball and go to sleep." I feel like he wants me to fight with him, but I say nothing and look at my father he nodded in agreement with Ryuzaki.

"When are we going home?" I asked again, I really do hate hospitals. Ryuzaki smiled and opened his computer.

"Later today when the test results get back until then I suggest you rest, and Yagami-san you may go back as you can see Light will be fine." My father smiles and pats my head then leaves.

Ryuzaki does not seem interested in talking any longer. He seems completely involved in work, so I fall asleep out of sheer boredom. When I wake up I find Ryuzaki setting next to me again brushing back my hair. I smell the alcohol in Ryuzaki's breath. He snuggles up closer to me and smiles. "Light-kun I'm sorry you're hurt, are you feeling any better." His smile is kind and caring he rubs his nose against mine.

"Yes I feel fine Ryuzaki." I hold a kind tone in my own voice this Ryuzaki is my favorite. He would never hurt me in any way. "Are we going to leave soon I hate it here."

"Yes I will find a doctor I am sure the test are done and we shall take our leave." he kisses my forehead and leaves.

The doctor comes back. I was right he is old, no wonder he called me a child, to him my father looks like one. "Hello Light, you will be fine if you get plenty of rest and eat right. I suggest bed rest for the next 3 weeks." _'That would not be possible._' "and I want you to know there might be an investigation over this." he has me sign some papers

When my father gets to the hospital to take us back to headquarters Ryuzaki is drunk very drunk. But I don't mind when he's like this. He is leaning on me telling me I'll be fine. My father is looking at him in question. I smile "Ryuzaki is drunk dad just ignore him."

"So this is what Ryuzaki is like when he is drunk?" My dad asked as Ryuzaki hugged me.

"I'm not drunk Light-kun" He kissed my cheek. My dads eyes widen.

"Ryuzaki what the hell are you doing." He pulls me away.

Ryuzaki just smiled "Oh kissing him is no big deal Yagami-san you should see what else I do to him."

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**As I said thanks for reading and sorry for the grammar **


	10. I'm tired

**Hey every one well i know all of you hate me for taking so long but i'll finished any ways so lets start trying to continued this . .. umm**

**Okay I'm sorry about the grammar thing. You know I'm really bad at that. I'm also sorry if this thing is dragging on. You'd figure the worlds greatest detective would figure out whats going on faster then this. So if you're getting tired of this sorry. Oh and my comppy is still broken so sorry that's kind of why the up dates are late. About this yeah I've had a big lack of motivation to finish this but i will so don't worry.**

**disclaimer: did I forget this last time? oh well umm I don't own 'death note'**

**Oh and thanks for reading please review and sorry.**

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Ryuzaki just smiled "Oh kissing him is no big deal Yagami-san you should see what else I do to him." I knew my dad was scared out of his mind right now. I had to stop his thought process.

"Ryuzaki, if you don't stop that I will punch you." I lied but hopefully the lie is good enough to make my father think that he is just trying to annoy me. His expression lightens up a little and he takes my wrist pulling me back to the car. Ryuzaki is hanging on to me. His affectionate side, his kind side, can be just as annoying as the others.

We drive home at a slow speed. Ryuzaki is setting closer to me then my father likes but I just ignore it. I am getting to tired. I have felt like this for far too long. I just want to be healthy again. I want to use my computer for something other than a nightlight. I want to stop hiding everything. I want to fight with Ryuzaki with out fists. I want to eat without feeling like my stomach won't be able to hold it. I want to sleep a night were I don't have to worry about Ryuzaki hurting me. And I want my friend back.

I'm tired and I just want things to go back to normal. We arrive I get out and pull Ryuzaki out. "Dad you can go home I'll be fine and you need sleep." He smiles at me and drives away. We walk in to the building. Ryuzaki is smiling and holding my arm. I pull away from him then I get the hand cuff key out of his pocket and release myself.

I set down in my computer chair and put my head in my hands. I set there for a while like that while Ryuzaki just looks at me. I feel horrible and I'm mad at him. "Why do you have to do this Ryuzaki? Why do have to cause me pain? Why do you have to kill me slowly? I'm not Kira okay I'm not and you should know that. Do you do this to me because you think I'm Kira, Do you think I deserve to be treated like this?"

He walks closer to me and puts his hands on my shoulders "What did I do to you?" I know that he isn't even listening or even if he is there is no point because he will never respond. "Answer me! Just tell me what I did!" I cry out. I can feel my eyes burn with salt and water. I'm just to tired or I would never act like this. Even if I was Kira do I really need to be imprisoned like this?

"Light-kun you're tired." I pull away from him.

"I'm always tired, I always look sick. And apparently I'm Kira no matter what I say!" I look at him and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. "Just-just go away L." I look at the clock and its 7:05 a.m. I woke up around midnight then I got knocked out at around 1:05 then I woke up around 4:00 then it took 2 hours for the doctors to release me. So all in all this has been a horrible day and it's still morning.

"What happen to you Light, you use to be brave you use to be smart, now you are acting like a teenager, a normal idiotic teenager. You act so different Light, you have no fire in your eyes instead you are submissive, you only fight with me when it seems necessary or when you want to prove to me that you are acting normal. It's not you, you can not be submissive without others fearing for your health, you can not be idiotic unless you want us to worry. You can not be Light with out the fire."

I get up. I feel his eyes on me. Even if he is drunk. "Go take a shower Ryuzaki and go to sleep." He does as I suggest and walks to the bath room I walk to the bed room and grab his laptop the password has locked me out. "Come on computer I know you want the real Ryuzaki back as well so please let me in."

"You know Light-kun talking to inanimate objects makes you look a little insane." He said after 20 mins of me trying. He takes another drink of his alcohol then walks over to me and types in his password. I didn't even hear him come in. "Night" He says handing me the computer and going to bed. Sometimes I love the caring one. He takes a drink every now and again but other than that he is mainly asleep.

I walk in to the bathroom and set on the chair in there. Its nice and makes me more tired and i need to work. I look over the video tapes. I set most of them with just me and him sleeping. Most I put in the one instance that I tried to run from Ryuzaki and we both ran out of the building I froze that one and for 5 hours to make it look like we didn't return for a very long time. I did many of them like that if he looks to closely he will see that they repeat. I look at the clock it is now 10:00 I look over the footage once evidence is gone the people will never know.

I walked back in the bed room Ryuzaki must of gotten up and decided to sleep on the chair. I put the laptop back and walk over to Ryuzaki kissing him on the cheek. I hate him so, but when I'm tired I do what ever feels like and right now I just want him back . . . I'm not quite sure why I do any thing any more.

I need to grab my computer its down on the investigation floor. I start to walk down there thinking about my apprentice I'm sure I looked sickly. I haven't brushed my hair, my night clothes were still on and they were far to big. My eyes were as dark as Ryuzaki. My posture was like his as well. I straighten up just thinking about it.

When I walked in the investigation team was down there. I have no ideal why people don't know the meaning of a day off. My father looked a little mad but when he looked at me his face lightened. I smiled at him and walked over to them. Matsuda's smile was fake his eyes were sad and his body language said that he was scared, of what I don't know. "Hi, anything the matter I thought L gave you the day off." I said trying to look a bit better.

"Light," my father said walking up to me putting his arms around me in an awkward hug "We know."

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Well I'll try to update again this week so don't worry and i really am sorry about things


	11. I love you

**Okay you guys I think I'm going to write another story before I finish this one. The new story will be Ryuzaki's thoughts while this is happening so this story in his pov. Sorry I'm sure you want me to end this but I feel so bad when I think of this story ending and I want to write but I don't want it to be bad and i don't want you guys to hate me and i feel so horrible . .. okay i'm ranting well yeah so I'll write the other story quickly so you guys don't have to wait for 3 months for the next chappy . .. yeah i do feel bad about that sorry. . .**

**Umm I LOVE YOU MY REVIEWERS . . . I gave up writing on this story cause I thought that my grammer was so bad that no one really want to read and it seemed pointless but I found chapter 10 in my computer and i figrued that it won't hurt to post it ((my old comp is fixed again)) . . . the commemts you gave made me really really happy you guys have no ideal I really do love them thank you soooooooooo much**

**Right disclamer . . . I do not own the death note or its chars . .. . but i havee a stuffed ryuzaki and light so i do own them in some way . . .**

**Umm so thanks soooooo much for reveiwing i clap for you thanks. - clap clap-**

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"Light," my father said walking up to me putting his arms around me in an awkward hug "We know."

My eyes must of widened and I felt my heart slip. I could not let them know I would make them think something different I would . . .do something, I need to save him but I need to do it alone. "Know what dad?" I ask with a smile pulling away. 'No I have a plan'

"Light you must report it or we can't do anything" He says holding my shoulder. 'A mask is all I need and if Ryuzaki wasn't here I could hold one tight.' "Please light Matsuda saw him . .. hurt you and Light" his eyes were on the brink of tears "please we can help you get past this. There is no reason to stay with someone who hurts you so much, there is no reason to protect him."

'_He is my friend What will happen to Ryuzaki, with his belief in jusice it would brake him. Damn It! He would die if he knew he did something like this and he is my only friend the only one who understands me, the only one that has ever understoods me, the one who stops me from dieing in a world that doesn't understand and is truly boring. A world of which I don't belong a world where I am alone. He is the one who stops me from being alone_.'

"I told you that was a dream, here we could bring up the video of that date to prove it to you guys wait here" I walk up stairs I had already changed that video and Watari was away so there would be no other copy's or so I hope. I grab Ryuzaki's computer and look at it. "you will save me my nightlight and some day you will not have to, you will be a simple tool once more and I will not have to use you like this."

"Light-kun you are showing symptoms of several disorders." He was awake and would kill my plan. All gone I have no plan B besides saying I was gay and like it painful but Ryuzaki would put that down quickly "And you should . .really. . . get . . . meds" he said yawning he got up and walked over to the bed falling asleep on it.

I smiled inwardly he was still drunk and was to tired thinking about the mystery that is me to really get up right now. For once I am grateful for that damn drink. I walk up to him and brush his hair back. Even if he only uses me for sex I think I love him. I know he could never return this love but that's okay because he keeps me alive and able to love him and that's all I need.

I put the laptop down and get beside him on the bed. I put my arm around him and hug him. "No matter how much you hurt me, you are my only friend and the only one I could ever love." I kiss him on the cheek. I feel something move behind me his arm is swung around my body pulling me closer to him. It scared me for a moment but he started to pet my hair.

"Light-kun you're so warm" I feel myself getting tired just from saying beside him. But I need to get the tapes to my father. I pull away and peck him on the lips. He rolls over and I walk down stairs. My father is waiting and I open the laptop typing in the password that I memorized. I opened the video and put it on the screen. It was a video of a day when Matsuda came in first he was sick that day so it would pass as him being drunk.

Ryuzaki and I were working and we told him to call my father to come take him home but he dropped the phone and ran outside to throw up. Ryuzaki and I ran after him. I stopped the video and looked at all of them. "See I was telling the truth what ever Matsuda thought he saw was just a drunk dream and Matsuda I suggest that you do not drink again it is bad for you."

He nodded accepting the lie. Lucky for me no one noticed that outside was summer and Matsuda was wearing a light jacket instead of a heavy coat. I really should help my father on his investagation skills. Matsuda looked over at me "I'm really sorry Light I didn't mean to put you through all of this." he said looking ashamed. I shook my head and smiled at him.

"Its fine atleast I know all of you care enough for me that you will talk to me when you think something is wrong. To tell you the truth the reason that i am so tired is because I fell down stairs and got hit by some man. Its fine all of you need to know that. I can take care of myself, and come on do you guys think that Ryuzaki would really hurt me?" They look at each other.

"We're sorry Light" My father says and the others nod there head. "I think we should go home and you should get some more sleep light you look very tired" I nod and grab L's laptop and walk up stairs. Ryuzaki is still asleep and I put the laptop in the same place. I walk over to Ryuzaki once more setting beside him as gently as I can. I slowly lay down and he puts his arms around me once more. I know that for once my smile is real. I snuggle in to his warm enbrace, and for the first time in perhaps my life I feel happy. I fell asleep holding on to the only one I have ever loved.

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Someones hand is brushing my hair back. The hand is cool to the tounch it feels nice against my head. I don't open my eyes but I know that its Ryuzaki. One of his arms are still around me. "Light-kun what happen?" He asks but I don't answer I know the question is not for me. "The video tapes are gone so I have no ideal what happen to you. They say that we went outside but a closer look at those video's prove that they are a reproduction."

"Light-kun I do not know what I did to you but you need to tell me." he kissed me on the forehead. I still am mostly asleep so I say nothing. "For once in my life I feel useless, I am the worlds greatest detective and yet I have no clue what is going on with my only friend. Are you protecting me or is it something to do with Kira. Is Kira hurting you? Do you keep it a secret to protect me. Or is it you are Kira and hurting people hurts you. Or am I doing this to you while I am drunk. All of them are possible yet I don't know which one is true. "

I yawn and open my eyes he moves his hand quickly as if never brushing my hair back. "Ryuzaki whats going on?" He smiles at me with sad eyes it looks like his mask is slipping as well. He put his hand back on my forehead this time under my bangs and felt for a fever. I pushed the hand away and sat up.

"Nothing is going on Light-kun. I was checking how you were before I left to go down stairs. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine can I go down with you?" He shook his head no and moved off the bed.

"There is medicine over there if you need anything please call me. The cameras are off and you won't be handcuffed but I will come in randomly to see how you're doing please go back to sleep." I nodded rolling over feeling my eyes slip tiredly. His hand slips over my hair ruffing it up. He then gets up and walks to the door I hear the door close behind him. Great now I have a chance to think up a better lie, I think if I could time it right, I could make him believe it was Kira doing this to me. After all Kira did get me in to this mess to begin with.

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**The new story will be called 'The looks of Light'. If you want to read it. I don't think it will be as neat as this one but it keeps me distrackted umm well anyways thanks for reading and please review if you have the time you don't have to. **

**And sorry about the grammar and the stuff i did wrong sorry. **


	12. Someone Knows

**Hey you guys. Okay Someone suggest in a review ((which I love)) that I should finish this story before I started my new one, so I might listen hopefully . you see I do listen to my reviewers. But I am almost done with this one I'm going to add some alternate endings to this in case you don't like what i originally planned, I hope you guys don't mind.**

**lets see for grammar yeah yeah i suck at it not many of you reviewers seem to mind ((which i love you so much for you guys are being soooo nice )) but yesh on my next story i will try to have new people help me on it a couple of people have offered so i might take them up on that so yay better grammar. ((cep on this part i like my a/n to sound like me. sorry you don't have to read them they have little to do with the story))**

**T.T i was going to say something really important but now i forgot it so now i might have to put an a/n on one of my chappys or something.**

**umm disclaimer: don't own death note . . . and if i did not that many people will read it . . . L and light would never die and someone would of controlled light instead of light being kira and it would be different . and matt mello and near wouldn't have to be there sorry okay on with the story **

**sorry bout the long A/N oh and i can really only update on weekends but i'll try to do it during the week sometimes **

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"There is medicine over there if you need anything please call me. The cameras are off and you won't be handcuffed but I will come in randomly to see how you're doing please go back to sleep." I nodded rolling over feeling my eyes slip tiredly. His hand slips over my hair ruffing it up. He then gets up and walks to the door I hear the door close behind him. Great now I have a chance to think up a better lie, I think if I could time it right, I could make him believe it was Kira doing this to me. After all Kira did get me in to this mess to begin with.

I get up and walk over to my computer Ryuzaki must of brought it in. I open a new file and start writing ideals to come up with a way to hide this.

1. Trake down kira before L does and . . . no impossible he no 0%

2. We have been going out every night and people have been beating me up. . . Well he already knows thats a lie but possibly

3. I am kira, i'm not really kira, and hurting people does hurt me . . . possibly

4. Ryuzaki does beat me up. . . but he would never touch me in a sexual interest. . . possibly. 3rd choice

5. I did it all to my self and i just wanted Ryuzaki to give me a brake. 2nd choice

6. Tell Ryuzaki the truth and let him know its okay and make sure he doesn't tell the investigation team mainly my father and help him through it. 4 th choice

7. Just let Ryuzaki figure it out and hope that he doesn't find every thing. 1st choice

I didn't really like any of those ideals, but if Ryuzaki makes me explain i will just tell him I hurt myself because i wanted some rest. Sure he won't believe but he doesn't have proof that I'm not hurting myself and after all you can't disprove a negative. I closed the computer after deleting my list. If he asks, I hurt myself that's all there is to it.

I get up and walk over to the bed. I can barely breath now adays and even if the doctor wrapped my ribs it didn't seem to help at all. I took out a book and started to read the book wasn't that interesting and i was getting bored. I decided to go see what the task force was up to, or if any of them decided to take the day off like they're suppose to.

When I walked down stairs I heard Ryuzaki talking so I hid behind the corner. Just enough so I could still see him but he couldn't see me. "Well if this started around the time that I gave you the drink I suggest that you make young Mr. Yagami think you are drunk and see his reactions when you fight him." Watari was talking to L over the monitor. The team wasn't there.

"Yes that does seem like a good ideal watari, but would light trust me when he realizes it was just a test?" Ryuzaki sat back in his chair and chewed on his thumb "I suppose I will just have to take that chance but what will we do if we find out I am the one who hurt Light-kun? Or worse what happens if my dreams are right? What happens if I raped Light-kun."

"I'm sure that was just a dream, do not worry your self over it." I could hear the concern in the mans voice. "But if it is true then we will see what Light has to say about the problem. And Light must confess to you, acting upon him in that matter."

"Do you really think he will tell us if he went through all of this trouble to just cover up this matter?" Ruzaki looked worried and more tired then usual. I smiled I had a new way of covering it up, and maybe I could get my normal Ryuzaki back. "I need those old viedo tapes back Watari when you find them please give them to me." Watari nodded then hung up.

I walked back to the room as quietly as possible, after a month of being beaten every time you wake up a drunk friend you learn to walk quietly. I got on the bed and laid down. I closed my book and steadied my breathing. I knew I looked dead to the world.

After about ten or so minutes I heard Ryuzaki come in. He walked up to the bed and brushes back my hair. "I'm sorry I have to do this to you Light-kun but its the only way to know since you won't tell me. I really wish you would tell me, I won't be mad at you, I know it would be my fault and I will only punish myself." Him punishing himself is what I fear more then anything. He lays beside me and pulls me close to him. I fall asleep for awhile preparing tonight's performance.

_Mean While_

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**((A/N)) Sorta important ((Hey guys! whatcha doing . . . oh wait I wanted to say something important, umm oh right, sorry but this really can't be done thur any other point of veiw but Watari's . . . well it can but it makes it easier this way . so here's a short clip while L and Light are sleeping umm it has rape and stuff)) _**

-Watari-  
Ryuzaki needs me to find a extra down loads of his video feeds. The only problem is that the main frame of the computer is larger then anything most could imagine, besides that problem everything is put in code. The code is very hard to decipher and most things put in to this main frame are over ten years old. But I must admit I am rather good at computers and- found it.

The extra of the viedo feed from the hotel. I put in the date that I first gave Ryuzaki the drink but nothing happen. The days continue with nothing going on. "Good nothing that is happening to Light is-

"Kira-kun" L said in the tape. Its late and Light is sleeping in bed for once. "Kira-kun" L says once more and I stop and watch it.

Light is moving in the bed. He set up and look at Ryuzaki. "I'm not Kira" He say his voice was tired and his eyes were half shut.

Ryuzaki smiled again. And pulled the covers from Light. "What are you doing?" Light asked rubbing the sleep out of his eye pulling the covers back over himself.

"We are going to play a little game Kira-kun" He stop rubbing his eyes and look at L.  
"It's 2:00 a.m Ryuzaki, can we play it in the morning?" His voice sounded younger and the smile looked real.  
"No, Kira-kun we play it now."

Light sighs "I'm not Kira, and I don't want to play" He starts to look a little mad but just smiles again

"Oh but Kira-kun you have no choice." L un-cuffs his handcuff and cuffs it to the bed.

"What are you doing?" Light asked "Ryuzaki?" L takes out another cuff and does the same to the other hand, this cuff is the size of police handcuffs he made sure Light could hardly move.

"You tell me you're Kira and the game ends now. If you don't the game will continue." His eyes are full of hate full of lust I have never seen Ryuzaki act in such a matter.  
Light shakes his head "It's to early, and I'm not Kira" L laughs "Ryuzaki you're drunk go to sleep." Light tried to turn over and curl up in a ball but the hand cuffs were preventing the movements.

"Then we will play the game Kira-kun" L removes the covers from Light once more and punches him in the chest. 'So it is Ryuzaki hurting Light but why doesn't Light say anything why doesn't Ryuzaki remember?'

"L what the hell what are you doing?" Light asked straggling to get out of the cuffs and coughing from the pain. Ryuzaki held Light's legs down and removed lights bed clothes.

"Say that you are Kira!" Light looked scared to death, his arms were trying as hard as they could to get out of the cuffs.

"I'm not KIRA! what are you doing" Light cried Ryuzaki looked sad.

"I am sorry Light-kun but if you do not say that you are kira I will hurt you. I am the only one who can. There is no other way, the possibility of you not being Kira is below .5% . But I can not prove it to the police with out an confession." Ryuzaki moves under Light a bit and as they begin Light lets out a whimper, I can not bare to watch so I fast forward the tape to the end. It looked like he never said that he was Kira. At the end of the night Ryuzaki un-cuffs Light. Light curled in to a ball and said nothing. My heart broke watching the little boy die inside.

"If you tell anyone Light then I will have to show the proof to your family that you are Kira. Oh yes I have proof none may stand up in court but your family will know. Think of what your father will say, think of what Sayu will do, her perfect brother is Kira. And your mother will die of the lost. Not physically no but mentally she will die."

"Your Kira, Light but I want to turn you in to the police not in to your family I want the police to know. That's why I need the confession." Ryuzaki sat in the chair until he fell asleep. Light got up and went in to take a shower wanting to wash off the world I guess. My eyes wanted to cry watching the boy. Did he do this only for his family?

'I need to know why he did this why he hasn't told anyone surly he doesn't believe L's clam.' When Light walked back in he looked at L. "What will you do in the morning L what will you do when you remember. Your justice your mind will be destroyed and I will lose my only friend. I can't let you die I just can't."

'He he wants to protect L that's why he is letting L continue this. That's why his eyes flash sadness every time I bring L his drink. I must talk to Light in the morning.'

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**Hey umm so that was it for this week sorry it was lame or whatever. sorry the grammar was bad but I can't get in to my email . . . comppy is loading to slow plus I'm bad at it. yeah if you've read this story at all you'd know that. umm sorry bout the scene with L and light I'm just not that good at it. . . umm yeah well anyways tell me what you think. Oh and I like to thank you guys who reviewed you are like the nicest people ever. Well sorry for messing up the story. Please review if you want . . . thanks for reading oh and sorry my spell check isn't working that well **


	13. A game of lies

**A/N Hey guys sorry its been awhile but you see I was in this horrible accident involving a chipmunk a train and a moose, ever see a moose . . . . I have and they don't seem to like me . . . so that's the reason I haven't updated in awhile. I have no arms and I type with my nose . . . .that's the best reason I can think of for why I haven't written in that long. . . . . . ('.')('.') . . . Truth, work, school, and sleeping. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note **

He lays beside me and pulls me close to him. I fall asleep for awhile preparing for tonight's performance.

In the middle of the night I awoke deciding what plan to go with for tonight. I grabbed a bag and went downstairs looking for something my father had given me for my birthday a few months ago. I had put it in a closet seeing no reason to keep it out. I put the gift in the bag walked back up stairs put the bag under the bed.

I clawed back in to the bed and wrapped my arms around L falling quickly back to sleep.

"Light-kun? Light-kun?" I felt Ryuzaki's arm pushing up against my own. Slowly pulling me away from my unkind slumber.

"What Ryuzaki?" I ask looking over at Ryuzaki's fake drink noticing it was empty I knew the play had began.

"Light-kun do you want to play a little game?" He asked with a small smile on his face. 'I never knew you were such a great actor Ryuzaki.' I thought looking at him no trace of fear lining my face.

"I'm kinda tired Ryuzaki plus you know I don't like drinks, so should we go to our normal spot?"

Ryuzaki nodded I stood up and grabbed a small bag hidden under the bed. He smiled at me still acting like he wasn't curious at all. I knew he wondered what was going on, what the normal game was but for now I will act as if nothing at all is going on out of the norm.

I walked out of the room with Ryuzaki dragging behind me his face full of worry and wonderment. We reached the door to the outside. A few months ago I would of dreamed of walking outside to the living world but right now I want nothing more than to be done with this nightmare and be in my bed with my computer as something more than a nightlight.

"What's the matter Ryuzaki? Usually you lead the way why are you dragging behind?" He gave me a small smile and shook his head.

"Nothing Light-kun I just wanted to make sure you knew the way by now." His face hadn't a trace of anything out of the ordinary so I continued on.

I walked down the street slowly making sure that no one but Ryuzaki was following me. I realized that he never called my father, perhaps to afraid to see what would happen if that man was around when he was drunk.

After about 20 blocks Ryuzaki had no ideal where we were, even if he had the blue prints to this city memorized he had no way of knowing what it looks like in real life. I went in to the alley way behind the fast-food restaurant and a movie theater.

I walked behind a abandon looking apartment building and found a small wooden gate with the words "Do not enter" painted in spray paint. I pushed in the middle part of the gate finding a small hidden door.

"You coming Ryuzaki?" I asked walking in to the small door. Ryuzaki nodded and followed behind me. Behind the door was a very old looking stair case. We climbed it together, Ryuzaki looked at the stair case as if it were to brake from our weight. When we reached the top of the stair case I jumped across a small ledge that lead to the building across from the apartments.

Ryuzaki did the same, I walked over to the edge of the building and sat down. I pulled out a chess board from the bag slowly setting up the pieces.

"So do you think you can beat me tonight Ryuzaki?" He smiled and sat across from me as we began our game.

We played the game in silence till I ended up putting us in a stale mate the only other course of action was to let Ryuzaki win and I wasn't going to let that happen.

"So do you want to fight?" I asked standing up.

"Fight? Why do you want to fight?" he asked looking at me softly.

"We always fight up here Ryuzaki its part of the game remember? If we end the chess game in a draw or I win you teach me how to fight. If you win we go home."

Ryuzaki smiled slowly realizing what had happen. "So I am the one to cause you such injury."

I nodded looking slightly confused. "Yeah but its okay cause your showing me how to defend myself. Oh and those 'gangsters' such a joke."

"Yes I see, but Light-kun is far too injured to fight me tonight so lets go back to the hotel and get to work on the Kira investigation or sleep, what ever you feel like." I sighed but nodded walking back down the stairs.

"Light-kun" L asked while leading the way this time. "How is it that you came to know of that spot, your father is far from poor and I doubt he would ever let you stay in a apartment there."

"I thought I told this to you once L." I lied but he wasn't looking at my face so I don't think he could of told.

"My sister ran away from home when we were children. I was suppose to be baby setting her while my mother was out and my father was at work. I decided to study instead and lock myself in my room. She was upset about never spending time with me. I heard the door slam and found that she had ran. I found her up here after about five hours of chasing after her. She was setting in the spot that we played chess in, crying her eyes out. Really that had been the spot that I taught her to play chess." It was the truth, and Ryuzaki saw no trace of a lie on my face.

"I see, thank you Light-kun but I think we shouldn't visit that spot for awhile." I nodded as we walked quietly back to the hotel.

When we got back I sat down on my chair and looked at my computer happy that this nightmare was over. I had gotten away with everything and my only punishment was a few broken bones and a very confused father.

I looked down at the clock at my computer it was 6:30 in the morning and Watari should be bringing us breakfast soon. Five minuets later a very sad looking Watari walked though the door. He looked at me with a very gentle yet guilty look on his face. I flashed him a smile in response.

"Ah Watari I think I would like strawberry cake with fudge to the side." Ryuzaki said not even looking at Watari. He nodded but cleared his throat. "Light would you please come with me for a moment." I looked around unsure why he wanted me.

"I would but I'm sure Ryuzaki wants me to stay here." I said feeling like a student caught cheating off notes written on their hand.

"No you can go I trust Watari to watch you." He said looking down at his computer.

I stood up and followed Watari out of the room. I followed him into the kitchen and sat down in a near by chair. Watari walked over to his computer and hit a few button turning off the cameras.

"I know." He said pulling some cake out of the fridge.

"Know what?" I asked grabbing an apple setting on the table and started to take a few bites.

He sighed and sat on the chair next to me. "I saw what happen between you and Ryuzaki."

I felt a hint of fear rise though me but it was impossible for him to know I deleted the tapes. "Yeah a lot of stuff happens between me and Ryuzaki to what are you referring too Watari-san." I asked looking down at my apple slowly losing my appetite.

"Light Yagami this foolish game is over, I know." His voice was angry with no hint of sadness anymore.

"I don't know what you're talking about Watari nothing is happening between me and Ryuzaki but a few chess games and a couple of fights." I stood up throwing my apple away. "What is the matter with you what did I do to make you so mad."

He sighed and stood up. He came closer to me. I slightly wondered if he had some of Ryuzaki's drink. He grabbed my arm I started to pull away but instead of punching me like I mildly expected he pulled up my sleeve.

"I know how you got that scar of your arm. I know everything" He said looking at me all of the anger gone now just pity. I hate pity.

"Yeah so what I know how I got it too." I pulled my arm away "So you know everything huh? Are you going to tell him? Ruin everything just because he likes to play a couple of games with me. Maybe I enjoy it ever think of that! Why do you even know, what do you watch us every night as we sleep you sick old-"

"Light Yagami that is enough I know because L asked me to look up the tapes. And I watched the first video there is no way you could enjoy that, you were crying for him to stop screaming that you weren't Kira."

"I'm not Kira!" I felt like my lungs were going to explode I felt like everything I did was for not and this old man was going to ruin everything. "So what I may like it that way ever notice that I start fights with L, I may like to be kick! Whats it to you, you're not a detective, your his butler so stay out of my business!"

He shook his head at me. "Ryuzaki already ordered another drink for tonight if you like him doing that, then I will gladly give the drink to him before I go to bed." I stood there and looked at him my mask was gone and I knew my face showed fear.

"So do you want me to give him his drink Light Yagami?"

"Yes." I said looking at the ground knowing this was the only way to make Watari believed I 'like it.' "As long as you never say a word to L about this."

**A/N: Hey guys I'll update again as soon as I can. Hope you like it. Oh and you don't have to review if you don't want to. After all its not like I can force you or anything. -puts a gun up to Light's head- **

**Sorry for the grammar see you next time . . . .**


	14. I'm Kira

**A/N: Hey I'm back, no evil witch has cursed my blood, all the zombies are gone, and my arms grew back, man its good to be a half lizard. **

**So we're coming close to the end of my story. I like to thank those of you who did review they made me remember to update. And not to kill Light . . . like I would ha. . .**

**. lets see oh yeah sorry for my grammar and that I rush thought things I'll try not to sorry. **

**Im sorry for the fact that I took so long again, I finished this a while ago I just do get to the interwebs any more sorry. **

**Disclaimer: don't own death note. . . . **

He shook his head at me. "Ryuzaki already ordered another drink for tonight if you like him doing that, then I will gladly give the drink to him before I go to bed." I stood there and looked at him my mask was gone and I knew my face showed fear.

"So do you want me to give him his drink Light Yagami?"

"Yes." I said looking at the ground knowing this was the only way to make Watari believed I 'like it.' "As long as you never say a word to L about this."

"Fine Light, you called my bluff I won't give him the drink but you need to tell him or I will." Watari said not meeting my eyes. "I care for L and I do not want him to be hurt so badly, but there is no justice in this Light. He needs to know."

I nodded sadly feeling my heart sink as I did. "I want to do it on my own time through, when he is ready for it."

"I have a meeting in a different country when I get back I want this problem to be solved, okay. I will be back in two weeks, and Light you do need to talk to someone about this. But certainly not your father, please call me if you feel like talking." He put his hand on my shoulder and smiled softly at me. He handed me a number and went back to baking

I walked back in to the investigation room in a trance. "What did Watari want Light-kun" I shook my head and sat heavy in my chair.

"Nothing he just wanted me to eat something." I put my head down on my computer keyboard to think of a way of telling all of this to Ryuzaki without telling him. I thought I had got past all of this, that I had finally won.

"Light-kun, Watari asked you a question." Ryuzaki said looking over at me. I sat up and looked at Watari

"What?"

"Would you like anything before I leave?" I shook my head no as I watched Ryuzaki eat his cake.

"Then I will be leaving now, cake is in the fridge and Light, medicine is in the cabinet take some before you go to bed and when you wake up. Ryuzaki, be easy on him he is still recovering." He walked back in to the elevator and hopefully left.

I laid my head back down on my computer and waited for the investigation team to come in.

"Is Light asleep again?" A voice said bringing me back in to the waking world. I looked over at Ryuzaki who was setting next to Matsuda. L seemed to be giving Matsuda an angry look, but Matsuda as always was oblivious to the world.

"Yes, he was asleep but your voice seemed to wake him up. Thanks a lot" L said looking down at his computer.

"You're welcome." Matsuda said smiling happily at L.

"Light go upstairs and sleep. You'll only damage your computer if you sleep down here." I nodded, I needed to work on a way to tell him what he has done either way.

Eight hours later I found myself more irritable, and no closer to a way to tell him then I was when Watari told me I had to. I came up with a plan to kill Watari but it would take at least two weeks and L might be more then a little mad at me. Plus I'm no murderer.

I laid down in bed and closed my eyes to at least try to sleep.

A while later I woke to the window been open by L. I sat up and looked at him as he looked out the window. "Are you Kira?" His voice showed no anger just sadness and questioning. He continued to look outside.

I looked down there was one plan that I thought of but it would involve me telling every one a lie. A lie with one single motion would ruin my life, hurt my family but get me out of this problem once and for all. "You haven't asked that in a while"

"Yes well you've been sick for a while." His voice held no mocking tone to it. "So are you Kira?" He looked at me. His eyes looked tired, the circles under his eyes meant nothing normally, but today his eyes looked like he could sleep forever.

I had thought of many lies that would lead to me solving this problem, make him drunk and record me telling make it convincing, but no lie would truly convince Watari. "If I said yes what would you do?"

"Turn you in the firing squad only needs me to tell them who I think Kira is and they will kill that person no evidence is needed this is not a trail. A mass murder needs to be killed."

"So you are the only person saving me." I had thought that for a while but had never known if it were true or not. They are just as bad as kira, L is the true justice saving me.

He nods "You have never asked this before, this raises your chances of being kira by 17%" He looked down, his hair falling in his face. His sad eyes growing bigger.

"Yes" I said lying

"Yes what Light-kun?" L asked looking up at me, he seemed to gesture to food sitting on the table. "Yes you're hungry?"

"Yes I'm Kira."

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	15. Invites to Kira

**Hey it's me again well lets see I'm very very glad that I got sooooooooooo many reviews yay happiness. Anyways umm sorry for the grammer sorry this isnt ending very quickly my beta just said that the ending I had planned was sooo dumb so I gave her plan B and she liked it better. **

**I can still post plan A if any of you want me to just tell me. .. umm so yeah anyway sorry. **

_**Italics = English **_

**normal = Japanese **

**Disclaimer: Own nothing not death note **

"Yes, I'm Kira" My voice echoed though the room. I looked at L he stayed motionless as though he could not believe what I had said. I shook my head. With this solution he would kill me, Watari would have no reason to ever tell him what I did. Though my family will be hurt they will get over it.

"You didn't take your medicine before you went to bed did you Light-kun?" he said looking quite worried. "You are delusional, obviously, the chances of Kira admitting he is Kira is such a low percentage I don't even care to calculate it."

I looked at him for a moment without blinking, this was not something I expected. "Wait, you don't believe me! You constantly ask me if I'm Kira, you've tortured me made me want to scream I'm Kira just to stop it and yet when I politely say I'm Kira you won't believe me. You bastard!" I wanted to punch him so hard he won't be able to see for weeks. The color drained from my tight fist.

"Well I didn't believe that you would ever admit to it, plus you are not Kira at the moment, I don't think anyway. Wait, you said I tortured you to make you say your Kira, what are you talking about. What was so bad that you had to admit something just to make it stop."

The anger was gone just like that. I needed to stop this I needed to stop everything. Make Life go away so I could sleep. I put my hands on my face and fell back in to the bed. "Just go away." I said not wanting to face anything anymore.

He sat next to me. "I need to know what's happening Light why did you just try to commit suicide? What have I possibly done to you to make you want to do this to yourself?" He felt my head for a fever but he only found a low grade one that couldn't cause me to hallucinate.

"I'm calling Watari, he usually know about the emotional aspects of people better then I do." He got up but I grabbed his arm before he could move any further.

"No" I breathed as if begging for life again. "Please don't call him. Just give me a few minuets to think okay just a few minutes." He looked at me for a moment unsure of what to do. I still had his arm and he didn't seem to fight.

I took my free hand and rubbed my face. I started to name the elements off the periodic table. The weights the mass everything they could combine into so fast that L most likely didn't know what I was saying. It was something that always helped me come up with a plan when I was little I had stopped but now I needed it. L poked me in the middle of Nitrogen's combinations. I looked up at him as if to say what.

"I thought I broke you. You started to ramble." He said I wasn't sure if he was joking or not but I ignored him and continue. "Light-kun stop okay I need to know whats going on why are you trying to come up with a plan? What are you trying to stop?"

"How did you know I was coming up with a plan." I asked still trying to think of something that would fix every thing.

"Your father mentioned when you were a child, you use to do that when you got in trouble. He said you often came up with a way to make them forgive you shortly after. I found it quite cute." He admitted then took a serious note again. "So why do you need a plan and why are you trying to kill your self?"

I sat there for a second silently going over plans "Give me four days and please don't tell Watari." I begged. He sighed and nodded. "Tell me in four days everything since the Kira problem just started to now. And Light. . . don't ever say that you are Kira again." He removed my arm from his and slightly hugged me then he left without another word.

I banged my head against a wall saying stupid several time before I had a migraine from it. I then sat down in front of my laptop and started to call Watari via video conference. When the line was picked up it was not Watari but a boy playing a video game. He didn't look up from his game.

"_Hey L, Watari is in another room getting some books if you want to hold on for a sec." _The boy spoke in English but I could understand him easily. The boy looked up with a shocked look. "_what the heck. Who are you and why are you on L's line." _

"_I'm a friend of L's and I need to talk to Watari." _The boy nodded but seem to want to say more. When Watari walked in to the room the boy told him, Watari banished the child from the room so he and I could speak alone. "Hey." I said suddenly very obsessed with the way my shoes looked.

"Why did you call Light?" He asked in a very nice tone. "Did you just want to talk?" He sat down in a chair and gave me his full attention. I nodded not entirely sure.

I was thinking of planting a virus in his computer so he won't be able to call or receive calls from Ryuzaki. But the fire wall was very advance it would take 3 computers and 15.3 hours to break it completely. Now I had no choice but to talk to him. I still planted a virus but it was only to delete any footage that I didn't want them to have it was a small one.

"I can't I just can't tell L and please please don't tell him why does he need to know no one was hurt. I just wanted this all to stop and let this be over."

"You were hurt, and he will be if he doesn't know. Light I understand that you don't want to and I understand how I feel but you-

"No Watari you don't . . . I don't know why I called you but I should go and I told L that I was Kira. If you feel the need to send a firing squad I have no problem with that." I hung up.

**Watari's point of view. Again sorry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Light was certainly up to something. I know that he's not Kira and I know that he needs help but I'm not even sure if I can help him or if I want him to tell Lawliet. I look towards the door some of the children were stand guard for something that Matt or Mello were doing. I walked up to the children. "_Where are they and what are they doing?"_

One of the boys looked down and I knew that Matt and Mello were spying on me. I walked to their room right away. Matt and Mello looked up when I walked in. "_He's Kira why are you talk to Kira as if he is a victim?" _Mello yelled at me and I just ignored it.

"_He's not Kira he is just a very confused genius much like yourself" _I paused for a moment thinkning of a plan. Light is just 19 if I am correct there are children that are 25 still here._ "Matt look for viruses, I'll be back in 3 days stay out of trouble._

"_What are you going to do?" _Matt asked getting on Watari's computer.

"_Light has been alone all his life I think perhaps he doesn't know what its like to be understood, he is going to live here for two weeks." _

"_Is that safe" Near asked as he walked in to the room. "He is the top runner for Kira and he did just admit to being Kira" _Mello and Matt gave Near a look as if he wondered how he knew that, since he had never hacked. Near just shrugged.

"_I did not ask your opinion, Light Yagami is going to stay here for 2 weeks and that's final"_

**Well I'll see you later umm most likely next week I still have a few things to do next chappy **

**Sorry about the grammer and if you have to really have that much of a problem please tell me what I did so I can fix it or just don't read it. And yesh this part isn't grammar approved I don't care. **

**I'm sorry that I haven't updated that much sorry **

**cookies candy and puppies for reviews. **


	16. Poor Light

**A/N: this is kinda just filler till Watari gets here. But there are some important things you should know that have to do with the story line. There will be a plot in this besides the main summary that got you all here in the first place. **

**I'm sorry that this is late but I don't go in to town today. . . well monday and my beta was late with reading it. She says that she was reading V for vendetta fics and didn't care about mine. T.T **

**Aside from that, The Kira Yotsuba should be taken care of quickly I meant to do that some chapters back but forgot to so they might work on it at the orphanage. **

**And BTW no family is perfect not even light's so I figured I might put that in. **

**disclaimer: Don't own anything **

After I hung up from Watari I worked on my plan. I know having panic attacks and trying to kill myself won't work now. Not that I really plan on having panic attacks in the first place. I bit in to my nails a habit that I had given up when I was 10 and decided to be perfect.

Trying to be perfect had failed horribly, I was no where near perfect. I have memory problems. I don't even recall meeting Misa, or doing some of the things L and my father seem to know about.

I have panic attacks when things don't go accounting to plan. I get sick far to often, I use to be able to hide that but not so much now, and once in a journal a while ago I read that I could hear a voice that were not my own. Though I don't hear it anymore and I don't recall ever even writing that or hearing it in the first place.

But for now I had to work on a plan. Telling L the truth was out of the question. Even if he might guess it was still out of the question. He would die, and he is the most important person in the world. I suppose setting here would do nothing a plan is best made with the pawns on the board.

I walked down stairs to go find L. Him and the team were at the computers. L was looking at the Yotsuba team members again this time he was looking at the Executive Vice President of Marketing. "Arayoshi Hatori?" I asked looking at his monitor, he nodded "You know it couldn't be him, it is most likely Kyosuke Higuchi."

"Arayoshi Hatori is dead Light-kun he died last night, there is know a-"

"98% chance that it is Kyosuke is Kira." I finished for him for once tired of him doing all the percentages.

He sighed and closed his computer. "98.68% chance but yes. Now we will just have to find a way to prove it."

"Well we could just trick him in to trying to kill some one." L nodded

"Yes, I was planning on that. Off topic, Light, may I ask you a personal question?" I shrugged he already knew enough but one question would not hurt anything.

"Why did you not graduate high school early?" My father looked up at the question as if telling what to answer. "I mean surely with your intelligences you could of completed it by your twelfth birthday."

"Fifth" I sighed "I wanted to be normal I mean being some freak was out of the question." My father seem to accept that and turn back towards him monitor. L ignored the freak comment all together.

"Surly you must have been bored though," I nodded and sighed truth be told I wanted to get out of school when I was six.

"He wasn't bored he was just perfectly normal at it Ryuzaki. I had forbid him from getting out early." My father smiled at me. "right Light."

"Yes I suppose father." L looked up at me like he didn't believe it.

"Yagami-san did you know that there is a 52% chance that Light-kun would of committed suicide by the time that he was 13, if you are not challenged then most people of Light's intelligence often do."

"Yes, I know a man said that to me when light was four. He asked me to give light up for adoption, that some orphan school would take him in and challenge him."

"It was a orphanage called Wommy's house or something of that matter." I said wondering what life would be like if I grew up there."

"Whammy' ." L said looking quite annoyed. L then opened another page on his computer and typed in Light Y files.

A page came up that had all of my test scores that I had taken at four on it and a note on the bottom.

Math- perfect

science- perfect

Japanese- 88

English- 62 to be expected.

German- 59- to be expected

World history- 71

reading level- high school +

number of times test taken- twice

reason- Mr. Y thinks son is cheating.

Cheating impossible, if Light Y is cheating then is still at a level that will be taken in to a school, no ordinary four year old can cheat so well.

Light Y. Has shown perfect collage test scores at the age of 4, in math and science. Such ability rivals that of L. We highly suggest that Light Y. be taken in to the school immediately.

"Why didn't I know this earlier," L said quietly to himself then looked up at my father like he was ready to hit him. He then turned to me. "Light you said that you were Kira earlier,"

I nodded.

"Then you are under arrest and shall be taken in to a secure facility."

**Thanks for reading and for all of you who reviewed I'm bad at making up titles for chapters so the reviews kinda helped with this one and the next ones title. **

**Umm I haven't said sorry so sorry and thanks XD **


	17. Of Mikami and Kira

**A/N: Okay so Yagami san sorta has a mental break in this chappy so sorry if he's OCC. **

**Lets see sorry if the grammar is bad I had my beta look at it for five mins and then kept asking her if it was done so im not sure how much betaing it has + she hates death note so you know . . . **

**annnnnnnnnnnd. . . oh the reason this is up on a weekday is cause one of my friends got a good proxy site to get past the schools computers so im using it. HA down with the man XD. . .  
**

**Umm disclaimer: Don't own death note. **

underling** = Kira talking ****no one but Light can hear. **

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"Why didn't I know this earlier," L said quietly to himself then looked up at my father like he was ready to hit him. He then turned to me. "Light you said that you were Kira earlier," I nodded.

"Then you are under arrest and shall be taken in to a secure facility."

"What the hell is going on Ryuzaki, what did you just say! He couldn't be Kira we disproved that! Light isn't Kira, Kyosuke Higuchi is."

"Yes, well Light-kun admitted he was Kira some time ago." L said looking over at my father. I felt like I should hide behind my computer for a moment or something."

My father looked as though he was ready to kill. "You're Kira?" I nodded with my head down. He didn't give me time to respond. L didn't even have time to look up. "you're Kira!" He said tackling me then he held me down. "You were suppose to be perfect!"

I struggled "Dad I'm not-" He balled his fist I closed my eyes. I could hear a loud thump sound beside me. I Look up my fathers fist was next to my head hitting the ground. L looked like he was in shock.

"You were suppose to be perfectly normal. Instead I find out that you are Kira!" He laughed as though it sounded of a cry, the laughed that I remembered as a child when I first decided to make him happy instead of depressed. The laughed that scared me and reminded me of the kind of freak I was.

"I am perfect father I am normal. Please I'm not Kira I just wanted to stop everything." He raised his fist as though he was going to hit. The shock of my father tackling me was still there. I could not even lift a hand to protect myself.

"You lie Light. You were never normal, I should have shot you when I had the chance. I knew you were Kira, I knew it when I first heard about this." I felt a hit to my ribs, I slightly wondered why every one always seems to go after my ribs.

L pulled my father off me then kicked him in the jaw. "He's not Kira you moron!" I felt my eyes widen. "He just wanted to commit suicide. That was the easiest way out, but I wonder now if you have been beating him and he's been hiding it." He shook his head at his own theory.

L looked over at Mogi and Matsuda, the only other two there at the moment. with an evil stare and a perfect posture, it seemed to bring Mogi out of shock. "Get Yagami-san to a hospital I broke his jaw. I'll stay with Light."

"So he isn't really Kira right L?" Matsuda said coming out of shock. L gave him a look that could kill. Matsuda looked away quickly and let a quiet apology pass. Then he along with Mogi picked up my now unconscious father and left.

"You most likely need more medical attention then your father does but I'm willing to bet that you don't really want to be in the same hospital as him at the moment." I nodded and tried to set up. L grabbed my hand and pulled me up. He then helped me in to his chair.

"I really didn't know he would react like that. I thought that he was going to be mad and tell me you must be crazy when admitting to being Kira, then I would simply tell him that yes you were and I was just going to take you to get some help. The thought that he would attack you never even crossed my mind. I am truly sorry Light-kun"

"It's fine Ryuzaki." I said barely above a whisper while taking in a large amount of air. "He hasn't gotten mad at me like that since I was a child, I didn't think of it either and I know him far better then you."

Ryuzaki seemed to accept that but looked very much upset by this. If he is this upset by what my father has done to me I couldn't bare to see what would happen if he knew what he had done to me.

"I'll call Watari and see if he can't get a plane sent a little earlier then planned." He started to walk to his computer but I grabbed his wrist. "What's the matter Light-kun you are not going to die, the ribs I are fractured and I do not believe any of them have hit your lungs."

"No, I'm not worried about that, I just don't want Watari to worry." He smiled at me and slipped his wrist out of my arm.

"Watari will be fine with it though he'll most likely ask if you have been taking you medication which I doubt you have since you have been awake for a while now." He walked over to his computer and picked up his cell phone.

As when he finished talking to Watari he looked at his computer something seemed to shock him. "Whats the matter Ryuzaki?" He looked up at me.

"The camera's recording Higuchi are acting strange and Higuchi is screaming to himself, something about please don't kill me."

I walked over to the computer slowly. "Listen Kira you need me." Higuchi said pausing for a moment as if waiting for a response. "I don't care if I lead L to us, You NEED ME if I die you die too." Again a pause. "I don't understand that Shinigami said that-." Then Higuchi collapsed.

I looked at L "What's going on?" I asked L seemed to be in shock again. "L please what's." I felt a cold chill run down my back. The world began to spin. Memories of someone calling them self Kira returned to me. Meeting Misa returned to me.

"Hello Light." I turned around a man was standing there a death note in his hand. "You look pale Light, I suppose you miss me. This time though we'll have a new deal you help me or L dies."

"Mikami" I whispered staring at him for a moment. He was tall, his pure black hair was slightly messed up, but he was wearing his normal suit. He looked the same as he did eight months ago. L came up to me putting his hand on my shoulder. Of course he didn't see Kira.

"Light is there something the matter?" L asked then shook his head. "I'm sorry light you must be hurting please set back down."

"L let me borrow your cell phone." Before he could reply I grabbed my laptop and his cell phone off the desk then headed in to the only place with a lock, the bathroom. I locked the door, slid down the cabinets and dialed Misa's number. It took a few ring but Misa finally answered. Kira was watching me all the time remaining quiet.

"Hello?" Misa said sounding very confused it was a little late.

L knocked on the door. "Light, I know that using the computer in there does seem efficient it isn't very. . . well sanitary. So please come out or at least tell me what is going on."

"Hey Misa its me Light. Listen I need you to bring the items Rem gave you to the hotel right away." I said ignoring L and Kira.

"Kay just-"

"No Misa please I need them now., and the plan is we're braking up. Kay?" I said cutting her off. She sighed and hung up. I don't think Misa ever lost her memories. She knew what I was talking about almost immediately.

"What ever you are doing Light won't work. I have a plan and I've been working on it for a while. Now, get out of the bath room and tell Ryuzaki that he raped you its the only was you can save him and your family's life." 

"How did you know of that." I asked not looking at him but instead getting on my computer and hacking in to the system with the virus I had planted. I was just planning on using the virus to get Watari to believe that I had told L but now it was much more useful to get rid of Kira.

"Please you don't really believe that someone like Ryuzaki would rape you with out cause, do you Light?" He asked glancing at his nails as I started to cut out any footage after my father punched me.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked turning off the cameras and shutting my computer.

"Who are you talking to Light-kun?" L asked knocking on the door once more.

"Misa, she just emailed me asking to go on a date. I was calling her to tell her no." I wanted to punch myself for the lame excuse but it was the only thing I could think of. "Could you go get me my medication L, I think it would help me feel better?" I heard his foot steps walking away.

"Now what do you mean by that Kira?"

"I mean that I took control of your L and raped you. Him being drunk was the only way I could take control of him without a name." In out in out. Air was something that I couldn't get enough of at that moment. I looked up at Mikami, his dark eyes told me he wasn't lying.

"I will give you two days to tell L what 'he' did to you. I want him to stop bothering my plans. Making him think that he raped you would get him out of my way. So I'll give you two days Light. I have a lot of people to kill from what Higuchi wrote down, and no real time to deal with you until the day after tomorrow. " With that he disappeared.

I crawled over to the toilet and threw up anything that was in my system. I don't know how long I was dry heaving for until someone started to rub circles in my back. "I'm sorry Ryuzaki. I'm so sorry."

"I don't know what you did Light-kun but its okay why don't you take this and go to bed, Watari should be here in 2 hours, we'll figure all of this out tomorrow."

"Misa broke up with me, not that we weren't waiting for that for a while now. But she's coming to give me back some of my things I want to get them from her before I go to bed." He nodded to that. "L promise me you will never get drunk again."

"What does that have to do with anything Light-kun."

"Just tell me that you won't please." Again he nodded. He handed me the pills, I took them dry. He then helped me up just as the alarm sounded to tell us that someone was here. We walked over to the chair. L supporting most of my body weight.

"I'll let her come in to give you your things but please keep the meeting short Light-kun." I blinked at him, he took that as a yes and left to open the door for Misa. I waited as I wondered if I could finished my plan before Kira came back.

"LIGHT-KUN!" a screech could be heard as the doors opened to Misa and L. She ran over and hugged me slipping something in to my pocket. "Here's your watch. Misa kept it close to her heart when she thought of you Light-kun." She said holding up my watch.

"Please do not hug Light so tightly Misa, he is hurt." She let go of me.

"I'm sorry we have to brake up Light-kun, I'll always think you're the smartest and nicest guy ever but I think you're just to perfect for Misa, I like a guy who has a few flaws, anyways Misa has to go now. Bye Light! And Bye bye to you creepy, pervy, stalker person." With that she walked out.

"Well now that that is over you should go to bed Light, I will have Watari check you over when he gets here." He helped me up and once again I felt the world spin but this time it spun to blackness.

The edges of the world I could still see. I could feel myself being lifted into L's arms. I could still walk. I knew I could. As soon as I could get my bearings. "Let me down L I can walk." I mumbled but the world started to spin again and I felt myself fall in to darkness yet again. All I could think was I sightly hope this was all a dream.

* * *

Rule's of the death note:

A owner of the death note can only kill five people a year.

A owner of the death note can become a human/shinigami when making a deal with the king.

A owner of the death note can let a human borrow the death note to add years to the owners life.

A owner of the death note must be responsible for ten peoples deaths a year. (in other words one death must cause another or the owner must let someone borrow their death note to get more then five deaths)

A owner of the death note can not be responsible for making someones life longer if the owner knows or has seen said person. (in other words person A is going to kill person B owner kills person A to save person B, or owner kills person A and just happens to knows person B.)

If any rules are broken death will occur to owner of the death note. Rules 6-15 next page.

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** A/N: Hmm that was longer then usual. Well hope you didn't blink cause this has a bit of a plot in it. Yeah and sorry I made Teru Kira but I don't know him well nor do I like him that much and it had to be someone I won't write this if Light was Kira and I hate OC so you know. **

**I'll make a cute chibi Light or L give you a hug if you review **

**-hands cookies to my reviewers from last chappy- **

**Thanks again until next time. **


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